About three weeks after Brian had left Texas and at least one week after Noah had stopped talking incessantly about him. I and Noah returned home one afternoon to find two large brown cartons on the front porch. They were both addressed to Noah, and the return address was a high-tech sounding company that I was not familiar with. The boxes were heavy, and Noah could barely contain his excitement long enough to get them inside. When they opened them up, they found a computer complete with a monitor and printer. I didn't Know much about computers, but from what I'd leaned researching my purchase for Naoh Christmas present, this one was a top-of-the-line model. A state-of-the-art model that might last No all the way to his college years. Or so I hoped. Finally, in a small white envelope that had gotten stuck between the piles of instructions and operaling manuals, we found a card from the sender.
*Dear Noah,
Here's your surprise, pal. Sorry it took me s long to send this, but I didn't forget our bet. Now we can talk on e-mail. Maybe we can have a virtual Brain Quest rematch. Love, Brian .
" Look, it's from Brian." I knew it was him," Noah said proudly. I took the little white note card in my hand, While I knew he could well afford it, it had been generous ot him to send Noah such an Expensive gift, Generous and kind. He'd been thinking of hand been exceptional intelligence and trying to help him live up to his full potential. No matter that Brian had not tried to get in touch with me in all these weeks, I thought . I was grateful to him for keeping his promise to my son.
"Can I call him, Mom, to say thanks?" Noah asked excitedly. "I ought to tell him that it came and all"
"I guess so." I said slowly. "But where would we call? " I don't even have his business card," I confessed.
" I do." Noah replied.
"You do?" I gave him a quizzical look .
Naoh nodded "Brian gave it to me the morning he left. He said I could call him if I had an emergency.....or if I just wanted to say hello sometime."
"Oh. I didn't Know that," I replied honestly. Brian hadn't offered me his card before he left. Would she have even taken it from him? I wondered. Or torn it up and tossed the bits in his face? I sighed. I hadn't been very nice to him that morning, had I ? I still felt embarrassed by my behaviour and hope when naoh called, I wouldn't have to get on the phone. Maybe Noah would reached a secretary or a voice mail machine.
But when Noah called he was put through to Brian right away. I listened in to Noah's half of the cheerful conversation, mostly computer talk at first. Then suddenly the phone was thrust in my direction, and Noah insisted that I take it. "Here, Brian wants to talk to you."
I waved my hand. "Tell him I'm not here. Tell him I'm busy," I whispered.
"He already knows you're here, Mom," Noah said loudly. "Just take it. It's something about Aunt Faith," he added.
"Aunt Faith? Why didn't you just say so?" I took the phone. Brian , are you still there?"
"I'm right here, Olivia. Right where I always am," he replied quietly. It was good to hear his voice. It almost felt at first as if I was hearing it in a dream. I'd forgotten now the deep, warm timbre affected me. I cupped the receiver with one hand and turned her back to Noah's curious stare.
"How are you?" I asked him . I heard him sigh. Was he sighing because be missed me? Or had the question annoyed him for some reason? Maybe he was just tired. It had to be close to the end of his workday
"Could be worse, I suppose," he said finally,
I could be worse, too, I thought. if someone had carved out my heart with a dull penknife
"Listen, I just wanted to tell you that I finally tracked down Will and Faith. They're in the Galapagos Islands. Can you beat that one? he laughed. " Will's got some sort of grant to study the mating rituals of Galápagos penguins..."
"And Faith is taking the photo's," I finished for him. "Oh, so you know all about this?" He sounded disappointed that he hadn't been first with the news
"No, not at all, I replied quickly. I"just took a guess on Faith's part in the project. I did get a postcard from them, postmarked Guatemala," I confessed. But I guess.....well, I never got around to calling you about it."
"I understand, Brian said. "I know how busy you are."
I didn't know what to say in reply The postcard had said that they were happily wed and hoped that Brian hadn't caused me too much trouble. Faith promised to get in touch once they were settled on their new assignment but hadn't men- where or when that would be. Worried perhaps that Brian would send someone learn the information from me . I suspected .
Well, that was water under the bridge now. Brian didn't even sound angry anymore at his brothers marriage.
"So....you don't Sound upset anymore about Will choice of a bride. Does that mean you 've learn your lesson about butting into his life?"
"Hmm......." The sound he made was something like a low growl and I almost laughed out loud.
"Now there's a question. " He paused. I learned a lesson out there all right. And you're the one who taught it to me, Olivia....... But for the life of me, I can't say what it was."
I felt my breath catch in my throats. I swallowed hard . Maybe that was as close as he would admitting that I'd meant something to him after all. Maybe that had to be enough for me . Or should be.
"Well." I swallowed hard. "When you figure it out, get back to me," I replied in a teasing tone.
Get hack to me, anyway, won't you? I wanted much to say. But I bit back the words, too proud to show my feelings, or ask him to stay in touch with me when he obviously didn't want to. He would have called me well before now if that was what he wanted, I reminded myself.
"Noah wants to speak with you again, so l'm going to put him on," Iadded in an even tone. "And thanks again so muclh for the computer. It was very generous of you. You really didn't have to do that, you know."
"I wanted to do it, he insisted "And I'm glad that you're both pleased. The gentle, caring tone of his voice was finally my undoing and I said a quick goodbye and handed Noah the phone as if it was a hot potato.
Noah was so eager to speak with Brian again he didn't notice my distress. As I fought to compose myself, I heard Noah voicing all the questions I'd never dared to ask him.
"When are you coming back to see us again, Brian?" Noah asked eagerly. I winced. I knew what Brian s reply would be. Something kind, but noncommittal, I had no doubt.
"Gee, I sure miss you, Noah said honestly "Mom misses you, too," he added. I shook my head in dismay.
"Okay, Noah. I think you ought to let Brian go now. He's still in the office, you know," I reminded him. Noah nodded at me, then turned back to the phone "Okay, bye Brian. Mom says I have to get off. She doesn't want me to bother you. I watched as Noah listened for a moment. "Okay," he concluded. "IIl tell her. I won't forget." Noah said his final goodbye and hung up the phone.
"Tell her what? I asked immediately. "Brian told me to say that he misses you," too Noah relayed. "Oh...that' s nice," I said, trying to sound as if it really didn't matter. But how had he sounded when he'd said it, I wanted to ask my son. Had he sounded...friendly? Sad? Emotional? Broken hearted? But of course I couldnt ask Noah such ques-tions. No, I had all the answers I needed, I reminded my self. Brian had not called me in three weeks and he had not told me that he missed me or wanted to stay in touch. I'd be a fool to still hope he cared for of. An utter and absolute fool .