“ I AM SO IN LOVE WITH HER! I FUCKING LOVE HER!" I shouted, confessing the truth I have been trying to hide all this time. Mom was taken aback by my words. At the same time, another voice came,
"Sarah." We turned and saw Dad returning from Grandma's place.
"You go to our room, I need to talk to Ryan alone." He said, looking at me intently. I looked away and remained silent.
"Have you heard what he said, Xavier?! Oh my God." She exaggerated.
"Go now, Sarah. We will talk about this later. "
"No we can't! It's about our son's life, we cannot talk later." She argued.
"I promise I will tell you about it, you go." Dad smiled at her which immediately calmed her, which reminds me of the moment when Rebecca snuggled to me and received tranquility from it.
"Promise?" She asked, innocently.
"Promise. You go." Dad said. Mom nodded and left but not before sending a glare in my direction.
"Come, son." Father patted my back. I nodded hesitantly. He took me to the bar and poured us a drink. He smiled and began to say,
"You see. When I saw you taking a stand for your wife, I felt proud but Son, I guess this time your Mother is right." I couldn't believe what Dad is saying,
"Dad! I have my full faith in Rebecca. She can never do this, I have lived with her, I have known her despair. She is hiding something!" I argued. My mind lost its ability to think. I just cannot apprehend anything.
No one could question my wife. I won’t allow it.
"Your mother told me everything. Don't you think you do need to question her rather than avoiding and denying it?" He asked.
"She is devoted to me." I finished my drink in one go, feeling frustrated. I poured myself another drink, gritting my teeth in anger.
"Calmly think about it."
"She is innocent." I said firmly.
"Then why did all this happen?"
"Because.. Because.." I trailed off.
"You are blind, Son. Because your love has become your possession. You cannot see anything but her and at the same time, you can't see her too. Your desires have turned into obstinacy."
He explained what was going over my head at the moment.
"What are you trying to say?" I asked in a croaked voice.
"Your Mother is right because you didn't solve the matter. You ran away. You should have supported her while she was there. If she is hiding it, you should have made her tell you. If she can’t share her secrets with you then what kind of partner are you?”
Father’s question pricked my heart, hurting me immensely to fathom that I might have failed my duty as her partner.
“She is right because you are blind to become her redemption. Have you ever asked `` did she want it? What does she want?" My whole being was stiff upon hearing that. I swallowed hard as father continued,
"Then let me ask, have you confessed to her that you love her?"
"I couldn't.. " I whispered sadly, lowering my head. Dad patted my back and stood up.
"You know, I consider myself lucky because I have a successful married life." He then turned to me, I slowly raised my gaze and met him.
"Do you know how many tears she has shed, with or without you?"
Dad asked. My heart skipped a beat as some strange dread took over me. I gulped and remained silent.
"Too difficult? Then let me tell you. I have seen your bride cry. When you were not here, she cried. She acts cold and unaffected but the sound of her sobs echo through these halls. Can you hear the sound of it?"
A tear fell from my eyes as I also stood up. My heart felt heavy. A strange numbness took over me and drowned me in those bottomless pits of misery.
"What should I do?" I asked, on the verge of crying.
"It depends on you. Either you neglect your emotions and bring a ravage upon everyone or perhaps, you will hold it and never let it go." Dad then looked at me dead serious and said,
"Ryan, I am telling you, if you are destroying her from inside let her go but if you truly want to become her redemption and accept your love, Hold her close till your last breath."
Upon hearing Dad's words, I stumbled back, lost my energy. Nothing came to my mind, the only thing I can do is that I need to be by her side.
I quickly took the keys of my car and left. I should have told her that I am here. I shouldn't have left her.
I was trying to save her but in reality I was killing her from inside. Nothing pulled us back, we are the one who deliberately built a wall between us. We bought this ravage upon ourselves.
Only if I open up to her. I should have confessed to her so that she can trust me that I am her last ray of hope, that I am the string she can hold onto depending her all emotion on it but I never it happens.
Our silence spoke to us to be close but we always ignored it.
I can only think about her. Nothing matters most to me in this instant other than her. Like everything I was pushing away, burst.
“Rebecca?” I quickly got out and ran. The lights of the house were off, drowning me in apprehensions more.
Please be safe.
I should have stayed with her. I hastily entered and yelled, "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE LIGHTS!?"
"Sir the breaker's power source has been cut off. The electrician will arrive soon." Jen replied.
"Where is Rebecca?!" I asked.
"She is in her room." My eyes widened when I heard it, my heart felt like It will leap out of my chest, sweat formed on my forehead and I felt extremely dismayed.
"She hasn't left the room.. " I mumbled.
My whole being stopped. Ultimate terrors given to my soul. A heavy breath escaped my lips. I ran my hand in my hair as I took the flashlight on the table and ran after our room.
“No, No. Please…””
I ran as if my life was on the line. The terror of what she might do to herself frightened me.
I couldn't feel my body, but still I ran. I was out of breath, tears blurred my vision, I was shivering ferociously, I just needed to catch a glimpse of hers so that I could be at ease.
I reached our room and pushed the door open. The room was dark, I frantically looked for her but couldn't find her.
“Rebecca!? Where are you?”
I then ran to the bathroom.
My heart, my breaths, my life everything came to a halt. I fall on my knees, losing my every hope. Everything shattered when I saw the sight before me.
Falling deeper into the abyss, I lost my track. Nothing in this world can be comparable with my heart lost in devastation.
The sight before me became my ravage which left me in a desolate place with no hopes of being saved as I was too late to recognize my feelings.
…The fragments of my heart reflect your image. The strings of my hope cling onto you. You are present in my very soul. You are everywhere but.. Nowhere..