“There.. On the roof, stood Jane in the corner and Rebecca trying to reach out to her.. Calling to stop, promising that she will never do this again, she will leave everything but Jane was blind.. She.. Jumped out of the roof.”
When Marianne began to cry, a tear rolled my cheek, the compassion emitted from my heart was intense for Rebecca. She bore all this alone.
She was so afraid to be saved, she kept this pain inside and when I tried to help her, delusions and insecurities led to this.
“We were late. Rebecca witnessed it. Jane died and blamed Rebecca for it, which made her who she is today.. After that, she began to fear loneliness, darkness.”
“She began to hate herself, she became void. To punish herself, she didn't go back to Cairo and stayed in that house where the apparitions of Jane reside.”
Closing my eyes, I felt my heart torn, unable to fathom what Rebecca went through moreover that fucking sister blamed her jealous to my Rebecca.
“She changed. Even father left her when she stopped helping him. Father wanted to throw Rebecca out, he is the one who used this cheap trick and made her marry you.” What a terrible Father.
“He knows you love me and I don't want to marry that's why he bound Rebecca to you. She was never the one at fault.” She cried and now I understood how we were victims of this bond.
“But Ryan, you changed her. The smiles of her which died, you revived them, you gave her the emotions she abandoned years ago, you have her life. Please Ryan, she needs you."
Marianne also told me what happened while I was gone. I knew that those pictures were a lie. How can I not notice the pain behind her eyes?
I knew how Jane died but the reason for it left me speechless. I pity Rebecca. She's been through a lot. How hard it would be for her to overcome this.
Her despair wreaked havoc in my mind. I kept hating her when she is not even the one at fault. At that moment I understood,
..All of us are victims of this..
I swallowed hard, my chest felt heavy as if what I have heard is too much for me to bear.
"Marianne.. "I called her. She sniffed and wiped her tears and looked at me.
"Did Rebecca tell you anything about.. Starting a family with me?" I asked hesitantly. She looked at me with a hint of anger and astonishment.
"What the hell are you saying? She just tried to take her life and you are talking about this?"
"Just Answer." Marianne grit her teeth and looked away.
"When you were gone, she was about to confess that she loves you, that you are what she always desires but never admits but Carlos came and ruined everything. But, why are-"
"We have lost our child…" I told her quickly. Her eyes widened in shock. She put her hand over her mouth.
"That's why, if Rebecca doesn't know about it, don't tell her. Her heart won’t be able to bear it." I told her in a broken voice.
Marianne began to tremble, she took support from the wall as tears brimmed in her eyes and she began to cry.
"What.. are you.. talking about?" She vaguely asked again.
My lips began to quiver, I couldn't say it again. I looked away and wiped my tears and went back to where Rebecca was.
I was sitting waiting for them to shift Rebecca to the room, so that I could meet her; which would be done in the morning.
I was tapping my foot on the ground in anxiety, my hand over my mouth, mind not thinking about anything. Marianne is also sitting beside me, crying.
I was gritting my teeth to contain myself and not to let out the fierce fire inside of me.
I closed my eyes and leaned back, a sudden question hit me; how did Mom get the picture then?
"Marianne.. Did that guy tell you who is paying him?" I asked, hoping what I was thinking was wrong.
"No, he didn't. The person just wants to have that photoshoot, nothing else." My eyes widened in disbelief. No.
"Fuck.. " I whispered. I quickly stood up, blind in wrath and heartbreak.
"Marianne, call me if they shift Rebecca to the room, I'll be back."
"But, where are you going?" She asked.
"To meet the person who did it…"I mumbled and left with intense fury.
Today is going to be the day I am going to lose everyone I love in my life.
I went home and called, "MOM!!"
It was 4 in the morning, the world was sleeping but I had just witnessed hell just because of this woman who cannot contain her resentment.
I have lost my sleep, heck, I have lost my serenity. I have lost everything. My heart is just torn, everything is shattered. Mom and Dad came looking worried.
"What happened, Son?"Mom asked.
"My devastation." I snarled at her.
"Did you pay Carlos to take those pictures with Rebecca?" I asked.
"What happened son?" Dad asked.
"Dad, I am talking to Mrs Sarah Knight. Tell me, and if you lie, I swear I will never return to you."
"Ryan.. My son.. Listen to me.. " Mom tried to cup my cheeks, trying to calm me but I pushed her hands away.
"Just answer."
"Look, my love.. I.. Love you… I."
"ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION!" I yelled.
"DON'T YELL, RYAN!" Dad's voice roared in anger..
"I WILL! Tell me Mom, did you force Rebecca to do this?" I asked, still hoping that it's a lie. Mom looked down, tears rolling down.
"Yes.. But I did it for you.. " She whispered.
I began to tremble, silent tears rolled down without any halt, I was already defeated and mother ignited this fire of ravage more. An empty laugh escaped my lips.
“Are you truly my mother? Is my misery satisfactory to you?” I mocked.
“Ryan.” She tried to come closer but I put my hand in between.
“You have dealt enough damage already. Don’t call me your mother again.” I hissed, staggering my parents at my enunciation.
“Ryan, do you have any idea what you are saying?” Father asked but I am completely aware of my words and announcement.
I don’t want any relations with this woman anymore.
I laughed at myself, at my misery. I put my hand over my face, my heart, my emotions, my hopes being crushed to dust and then scattered soon by the winds, leaving me denumb.
"Congratulations, Mrs Knight, you have become the reason for my devastation. You have killed me from inside." I mocked, disheartened at the immorality she just committed.
"No Ryan, I just want to save you from her trap. Please don't talk like that." She cried, clinging on my arm but I pushed her away.
"That woman is the love of my life. I have offered my life to her. She is my life… you took her away from me.. " I hissed, pointing my finger at her in contempt.
"What are you saying Ryan? At least tell." Dad asked, worried about my state.
"What I am trying to say.. "
I laughed scornfully again and turned my head again and then back look at them in heartbreak and grieve as I shouted,
"REBECCA TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE AND I HAVE LOST MY FUCKING UNBORN CHILD!!"
They gasped, mother stumbled back when she heard it.
"You ruined everything… You ruined me, you ruined her. You fucking broke my very home. Who do you expect me to call you Mother after your crimes? " I whispered, looking at my mother in betrayal and sorrow.
“Today, I have died for you, Mrs Knight.” I said coldly, wiping my tears and left before hearing any of her talks which could only break beyond repair.
I sat in the car, nothing calming the chaos inside me. I then tried what Rebecca did when her emotions of utmost despair flowed.
When she couldn't bear this affliction anymore. I went to the same beach she went to.
I looked at the dawn as I bent on my knees and cried my heart out, screaming my anguish.
“I AM SO SORRY!” I sobbed from the bottom of my lungs, releasing the weight on my chest.
So when I face Rebecca my heart would be light and I could smile before her. And in this loneliness, I was letting out the barely controllable emotion of pain and destruction…
..I was angry at her but still, I like hating her even loving her.
I know I am away from reality but still, sometimes I like being oblivious even after knowing everything.
I am not the one who cries but still, I sometimes like crying alone….