It has been months since Chris and I talked. Two months into the second semester makes it over four months we talked. I feel like a burden over my body, making me weak sometimes. I miss his jovial side and I hate that I had fallen for him deeply. He no longer wants to talk to me, making me wonder whether this, all that happened was my fault.
I did go home during the break of four weeks, making it kind of relaxing to finally be with my family. My brother, Mark, was over the moon when I explained how campus life was. The hassle, work, stress, and how some set of crazy lectures can kill you with assignments and research.
I still thought of Chris during my break home but it was less than that of being in that hostel of ours. I see him everywhere.
*****
I sat down at a beautiful garden located in the campus scenery. It was the coolest place ever, filled with green grasses and shrubs, beautiful flowers as well as doves, goose flying around. It feels like a paradise when I am there, more like my thinking place.
Even though the place can be populated sometimes, it still has the best silence. Students sit under the shade of trees to read or discuss among themselves. The space was spacious giving way to as many students as possible., even to the extent of making a perfect decorum.
"You are here. I've been looking all over the place for you", I turned to see Joy, who made her way towards him.
" Joy, don't mind me. I hope it did not take long before you saw me", I asked as she sat beside me.
"Not all all. What is wrong with Chris? He seems bothered since last semester. Now that we are in the second semester, no change", Joy explains, making my heartbeat again.
Looking at the concerned Joy, I felt guilty for not trying to make him less angry with me. I need to make him forgive me. If he keeps thinking, it would affect him especially academically.
" His family is on vacation making him feel a little bit under the weather", I said.
"I hope so too. Tell him to snap out of it. He is certainly the crazy type, missing his family Like that.
Joy and I went home that day. As usual, I did not find Chris at home. He just disappears after the lectures, only to return late at night. A thought came to my mind, as I imagined implementing it one way or the other.
It was night time but I decided to stay up. I reserved some jollof rice and chicken, which I knew was Chris's favorite food as I placed it on the table.
I took out my diary opening to the part I wrote about Christopher.
'He is the most good-looking teen I have ever seen, and if I were to rate his lookout of 10\10, he would score 10, no doubt.
His handsome face looks like it was carved by a creative genius. He has soft brown eyes that would melt the strongest of ice. His eyelashes are inky black and even longer and curvier than most girls.
He has exotic cheekbones and a narrow straight nose that perfected his look'
I read my writing over again as a tear slid down my cheeks. I was supposed to control my feelings, not write how I feel about him.
I can't believe I wrote this the moment I detected I was attracted to him. I am torn between this feeling of mine." Oh God, please help me, I mumbled
I continued waiting and glancing at the time not until it was almost 11 pm when Chris arrived.
" Good evening. I prepared your favorite food. Take a bite or two", I said.
"No thanks. I don't want you poisoning my food, probably with a love charm to make me fall for you", he deadpanned, which made me a little bit sad with a hint of happiness, for talking to me for the first time in months.
With tears in my eyes, I made yet another move as I moved closer to him and hugged him. He never expected it, and for some split seconds, I felt his shocked state, as he remained still.
" I never knew you would be attracted to me. All this while I was taking care of you, I never had an ulterior motive to con you. This is a misunderstanding. I hope you understand", I explained, as he gently loosened me off himself.
I stared at him, noticing how my words affected him. His eyes, almost red, as tears, brimming around his eyelids.
"I don't believe you. You are only trying to make me fall for you with your hypocritical tears. I will handle this without your help. One more thing, don't ever call me or try to talk to me. For the next 3-4 years that I will be here, let us behave like strangers. Do yours, and I will do mine", he started, turning away from me, as he went to the bathroom.
I sat down on the bed, as I cleaned the tears in my eyes. He is not worth it, I thought. He is going to remain unresponsive, no matter how I try. I should have given him the space he wanted. Maybe, It will be for the best.
Laying on the bed, I could not help but reminisce over his words. He wants us to be strangers. I guess having this weird feeling is new to him, causing a jovial and lovely person like him to turn cold the moment he discovered that thing about himself.
I am so disappointed in myself for developing feelings for him, and vice versa. I am the reason why he developed a liking for me. I was effeminate, and somehow I wish I was not. He must have been attracted to me because of the way I behaved like a girl.
Saying a short prayer that night, I slept off.
*****
It has been over a week since Christopher's words that night. I'm still trying to get over him, even tho it is not working out as I expected. I guess this attraction of a thing might be the biggest flaw in my life.
Chris no longer stays up late at night but he is still on with his silent treatment. I am at least relieved he is not staying late at night as that makes me restless most of the night, worried that something bad might happen to him.
I opened the door to our room out of frustration from heat. The electricity company has not given us light for three days now. According to them, they have serious issues they are dealing with.
With all the windows opened as well as the door, I felt a sense of little relief when the heat reduced. Folding my clothes, I slowly put them in the wardrobe, as I saw my old diary. I sighed, as I felt someone's presence in the room.
Within a split second, I felt contact with my body, perceiving that lovely smell again.