#BTSEp42
Kasabay ng paglunok ko ng laway ang pagkawala ng hangin sa mga baga ko. I found myself blinking. Ngayon, ramdam kong namutla ako nang slight.
"Oh, shit. Destiny is not on your side. It's on the side of your love story with Liv." Billie told while throwing me a smile that says everything. This bitch is enjoying my reaction! Kaibigan ko ba talaga 'tong timawa na 'to?!
"Alam mo, ikaw. Kung hindi mo lang talaga kasal ngayon, sasaktan kita." I rolled my eyes at her. I only heard her to laugh as if victory is on her side.
"Oh siya inaanyayahan na namin dito si Grace para simulan na ang seremonya ng pagbabalikan ng LivAce love team-- charot!" The host is gesturing me to come closer to her. Gusto kong ibato sa bibig niya itong boquet na hawak ko.
"Sige na, beh." Pagpapatuloy sa pagtawa ni Billie. Tawang-tawa ka, teh? Enjoy na enjoy? Sana all?!
Patago akong napapabuntong hininga nang iritado. Pumeke ako ng ngiti kay Billie, tumawa lang talaga siya nang tumawa nang tumayo na ako. I am still on my fake smiling face as I started to drag my feet towards the dance floor-- where Liv and the host are waiting.
Pinaupo ako ng host doon sa upuan. And I hate this situation. All eyes are on us. As well as Liv who doesn't left my face. Kahit mag-iwas ako ng tingin ay ramdam kong hindi ako nilulubayan ng mga mata niya. At kung ako iyong dating Asia na marupok, bubukaka talaga agad ako sa harap niya! Pero things are different now. I already learned my lesson. I already learned the arts of finding my worth that he failed to find.
"So, ganito ang mangyayari!" The host seems excited. May pagtalon-talon pa siya dahilan para umalog ang may kalakihan niyang dibdib. Isa na lang talaga, hahambalusin ko na siya ng bouquet! Pero sana all muna, hindi flat?!
"Isusuot ni Liv ang garter sa hita ni Grace at kayo," the host gestured her hands towards the people around us, "kayo ang magdedecide kung gaano kataas 'to!"
At ang kumag na si Javi, biglang sumigaw! "Pwedeng hanggang leeg?" Lahat ay nagtawanan. I gave him a glare. Masasampal ko talaga siya mamaya!
The host gave his direction a poker face, katulad ko ay hindi niya rin makita si Javi. Madilim kasi. Nasa tapat lang kasi namin iyong spotlight.
"Oh sige, Sir. Kapag nagawa mo 'yon with this," the host lift Liv's hand only for her to flash the little garter, "bibigyan kita ng piso." Host ba talaga 'to?! "Charot! Hanggang hita lang kasi ito kakasya. Susmayorsep ka naman, Sir! Anong utak ang mayroon ka? Charot!"
"Awit!" Javi only responded. Lahat ay nagtawanan pa rin. Napapailing na lang ako habang umiirap nang patago.
"Siya, simulan na nga natin ito bago pa mag-joke uli si Sir." The host demanded Liv to kneel down infront of me. Noong una ay hindi niya iyon na-gets. The host has to move the microphone away from her mouth before she said, "luhod ka, Sir."
I am borderline uncomfortable with our situation. Liv is kneeling down infront of me as if he is proposing an artificial promise. He is my ex and the one who broke my heart in a way that is unbearably dreadful. This is the last thing that I want to happen! Nakakainis itong sitwasyon kong ito. I never wished to be in this!
But I have to play it cool.
Nakangiti ako sa kanya nang peke habang pilit na tumatawa sa pangtutudyo ng mga tao sa paligid. Ang mga kaibigan ko ay tumitili mula sa table namin. At kung may chance talaga akong hagisan sila ng bomba, gagawin ko!
"Okay, start na Sir!"
I blink for a second the moment I felt Liv to grab ahold of my feet. Mainit ang kamay niya habang nakafocus ang kanyang mga mata sa gagawin. Sinuot na niya sa akin iyong garter. He is about to move it up my knee when the host started to demand once more!
"No! No! No!" May pag-move side ward pa siya ng hintuturo. Sarap batukan. "You have to do it with your mouth!" That made an uproar from the people watching and I almost drop my jaw on the floor.
Jusko naman?!
Noong mapatingin ako kay Liv ay patago siyang napapangiti. I can clearly see it by the way how his lips move. The corner of it is moving upward and it was really evident that he is holding his smile.
Gusto mo rin?! Maglaway ka ngayon! Che!
"Alright." Liv mumbled as he nods, still holding his smile.
Noong mga oras na iyon, gusto kong mag-backout! Sobrang iksi lang ng dress ko. At news flash! Wala akong shorts beneath! I was only with my underwear!
Napapikit ako nang slight dahil sa inis but I had really to play it cool. Ayokong mag-mukhang bitter. Ngumiti pa rin ako habang nakatingin sa mga nanonood na para bang wala lang itong mangyayari!
Noong magsimulang itungo ni Liv ang kanyang ulo sa aking binti, napasinghap ako nang madama ang labi niya. It was grazing my feet up my knee. And swear, I hate myself for thinking things I should not be thinking.
"Up! More pa! More pa!" Ang pagsigaw ng host. Jusko, kapag hindi pa siya tumigil, tutuktukan ko na talaga siya!
My breathing started to go hard as I met the eyes of Liv. He is flashing me a shy smile as he continue to bit the garter up my thighs. Nang umabot na ito sa dress ko ay doon siya tumigil. He moved his mouth away from me and gestured the people around us to stop.
Then before he stood up again, he told me "Sorry."
He is still on his damn shy smile. A thing that I always admire about him back then. Dati kasi ay ayaw niya talagang ngumingiti. I don't know but he has this obsession for not showing what he really feels. He is so indennial of the things that are already obvious. Kaya kapag nakikita ko 'yan, it felt like I was the luckiest girl on Earth. Kasi of all people, ako iyong pinili niyang pakitaan ng may kamahalan niyang ngiti.
"Sorry for what?" I asked the moment I join him to stand up. Iyong host ay nawala dahil tinawag siya ni Billie.
"For this." His tone is a lot more of a question rather than an answer.
"You have so many things to be sorry about yet you chose this," I told him while giving him a fake smile. Siguro ngayon, mukha kaming casual na nag-uusap mula sa mga tao sa paligid namin, "you never change. You are still that someone who is so dumb when it comes to his mistake. It's a good thing na tapos na ako sa 'yo."
I clearly witness how his eyes turned sad. By the way how he sighed, it was obvious that my words stabbed his heart with a lot of pain. At wala akong pakialam. Wala na akong pakialam sa kanya.
Nanatili kaming tahimik nang muling bumalik ang host sa tabi namin. Spotlight are still pointing our direction when she told us, "Okay, request ito ng bride! She requested the two of you to dance on a romantic song!"
Nalaglag ang panga ko sa sahig nang mapatingin ako sa direksyon ni Billie. Habang ang lahat ay nagsisigawan, gusto kong sugurin at sabunutan ang bride! Kasal ba talaga 'tong pinuntahan ko o baka it's a trap para pag-tripa-an niya ako? Ano 'to, inipon niya lahat ng trip niya sa 'kin sa nagdaang dalawang taon for today? Bunot na bunot ako, eh!
I am rolling my eyes at the back of my mind as I force myself to nod. I was still on my fake smile as artificially cheered Liv to agree with Billie too. Kasi siya iyong unang umayaw the moment na narinig niya iyong request.
Sa huli ay napilitan na lang din si Liv. I know that it was against his heart when he handed me his hand. I am on my secret irritated mood when I grab ahold of it. Then before I knew it, his other hand is on my waist. Mine was resting on his shoulder.
Then . . .
Then the song started to play.
Aking sinta, nabihag mo itong puso ko.
Nakita ka, aking mundo'y tila nagbago.
Liv and I are slightly swaying with the music. I am looking away from his gaze from moment to moment when he whispered, "Do you remember the song?"
I nod, still not up for equalling his gaze.
To be honest, when I was still on Japan, itong kantang ito ang pinaglihian ko. I can't last a day without listening to this song. Kasi somehow, it reminds me of him. Through out pregnancy kasi, I was still hopeful that he will come and find me.
But he never did.
Kaya noong naipanganak ko na si Chance, hindi na ako umasa. Natutunan ko nang tanggapin lahat. Na may katapusan nga ang pagiging tanga ko. Na minsan, kailangan mo lang talagang gumising mula sa masamang panaginip nang sa gayon, hindi ka na mahirapan-- hindi ka na masaktan.
May isang anghel, bigay ng langit, walang papalit.
Maamong mukha, walang hihigit, sana nga'y iyong dinggin.
"Ito rin iyong kantang sinayaw natin sa debut mo." That was the moment I started to turn my gaze at him again. He is smiling at me when he said, "at this exact place and this specific spot-- with the same spotlight above us."
Panalangin, mapasa'kin
Ang iyong ngiti, ang iyong halik.
Then it all sink in to me. Yeah, dito nga iyon . . . dito iyon. Bakit ko ito nakalimutan? Dito sa mismong pwesto namin siya nagtapat sa akin. Dito . . .
"Dito mo ako sinagot." He seems like reading my mind. "Dito naging tayo."
The air left my lungs as I turned my eyes away from his hopeful gaze. I am not ready from what I saw on his eyes. I am sure that was genuine. He just flashed me the realest feelings that I ever seen from him. It's treacherous to say that it's . . . love.
Panalangin, mapasa'kin.
Ako'y sabik sa iyong lambing.
"Can I . . ." He came again after a few seconds of silence. His voice is shaking, a sign that nerves are pestering his confidence. And he clearly made me blink for a couple of times to what he came next, "Baby, I want to earn your second chance. Will you let me earn you above the same spotlight once more?"