I never saw myself before being married to someone. Honestly, before, I thought of adopting dogs or cats and just live by myself for the rest of my life.
I don't know what good thing I have done in my past life to deserve Zakarius Cavalcante, he's too good for me, he loves me so much in a way no one can't. Until now, walking down the aisle with my simple white sheath wedding dress on feels surreal. Napatingin ako kay Daddy na katabi ko ngayon. Humigpit ang kapit ko sa braso niya nang mapansin kong naluluha siya. Napangiti na lang ako dahil kanina pa siya hindi nagsasalita.
My baby bump is now visible, I'm now 4 months pregnant, but I don't care. Maybe, I really gained weight, but Zakarius never failed to make me feel beautiful every day. Araw-araw niyang ipinaparamdam sa akin kung gaano ako kaganda kahit pa may kalakihan na ang tiyan ko... I love him more because of that.
“I can't believe this is happening, are you really sure about this, darling? We can still take you out of here,” Dad murmured, he's trying to stop his sobs.
“Daddy naman,” natatawang sabi ko na lang habang tinatanaw si Zak na naghihintay sa akin.
Natanaw ko si Mommy na iyak nang iyak sa puwesto niya sa unahan, tila walang pakialam kahit na humulas pa ang make up niya. Kaunti lang naman ang tao rito sa church, my friends, Castor, Chan, Cassian, and Jaze of course, my maid of honor. Zakarius' friends are also here, and Cadence is his best man, some of my relatives are also here. I want a peaceful and private wedding kaya walang media sa paligid.
“Dad, thank you for accepting Zakarius. I love you so much, you and Mom are the best parents in the world,” I muttered while still walking slowly with him by my side.
Si Daddy ang unang tumutol nang malaman niyang magpapakasal na kami ni Zak. Agad silang lumipad papunta rito sa Pilipinas at kinausap kami ni Zak. Hindi rin madali ang pinagdaanan ni Zak bago niya napapapayag sina Daddy. But I admire him for not giving up, he showed his love and sincerity to my parents without complains.
Mas bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko habang papalapit kami may Zakarius. He looks dashing with his gray tuxedo. I looked at his glistening blue eyes, his eyes and cheeks are kinda reddish, it seems like he's just fighting the urge to burst into tears. I smiled while staring at him. Mas emosyonal pa siya kaysa sa akin, halatang mahal na mahal talaga ako ng lalaking 'to.
Halos wala na akong marinig sa paligid nang nasa harap ko na siya ngayon. Tuluyan ng naluha si Dad nang kailangan na niya akong ibigay kay Zak at halos hindi na ito nakapagsalita.
“P-please take care of my daughter, Zak. She means everything to me and my wife, please... please love her with all of your heart,” my Dad said and let out a sob. I held my Dad's hand and smiled at him
“I will treat her as my queen, Sir. She deserves the best, and I'll do everything to give her that,” Zakarius said. His voice cracked, it seems like he's about to cry too.
Dad sighed and just tapped Zakarius’ shoulder. Dad kissed my forehead before going back to his seat, beside Mom. Napatitig sa akin si Zak, he held my hand and clung it on his arm. He smiled at me and took a deep breath.
“I hope I'm not dreaming, Angel,” he muttered. I fought the urge to laugh when I heard him sniffled. Namumula na rin ang ilong niya at mukhang paiyak na talaga siya.
Naglakad na kami papuntang altar. Sa totoo lang kanina ko pa rin gustong maluha sa tuwa, pero mas nangingibabaw sa puso ko ang saya. Zakarius made my life more meaningful, I'm so excited to spend my whole life with him and our future child.
Mas naghuramentado ang puso ko nang sa wakas ay nasa harapan na kami ng pari. Tila sasabog ang puso ko sa tindi ng emosyon na nararamdaman ko ngayon.
“Dear friends and family, we are gathered here today to witness and celebrate the union of Zakarius and Angel in marriage. In the years they have been together, their love and understanding of each other has grown and matured, and now they have decided to live their lives together as husband and wife,” the priest said. I took a deep breath as my hands became sweaty.
“I love you,” Zakarius murmured. I just smiled but remained looking at the priest in front of us.
His ‘I love you’ still feels like the first time I heard it from him, ganoon pa rin ang epekto no'n sa 'kin, mas lumala pa nga yata.
“True marriage is more than simply joining two persons together through the bonds of matrimony. It is also the union of two hearts and the blending of two families. It lives on the love you give each other and never grows old, but also thrives on the joy of each new day. Marriage is, and should be, an expression of love. May you always be able to talk things over, to confide in each other, to laugh with each other, to enjoy life together, and to also share those moments of quiet and peace, when the day is done. May you be blessed with a lifetime of happiness and a home of warmth and understanding.”
Pinakinggan kong maigi ang bawat salitang binibigkas ng pari. I know Zak and I aren't going to be perfect husband and wife, we will face challenges ahead, but I know the power of our love will be more powerful than any hindrances we'll face.
“Since it is your intention to enter into the covenant of Holy Matrimony, join your right hands, and declare your consent before God and His Church,” the priest said.
Zakarius and I held hands while staring at each other's eyes. His eyes are still glistening, he smiled at me, his blue eyes alone shows how happy he is right now, and I know he can see it in my eyes too.
Zakarius took the mic and start stating his declaration of intent while staring directly into my eyes.
“I, Zakarius, take you, Angel, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part,” Zakarius said. He said it slowly, taking every words to his heart. After that, he gave me the mic.
“I, Angel, take you, Zakarius, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.” I don't know how I managed to say those words without stuttering, or sobbing. My vision is now blurry, I'm about to cry too.
This is probably the happiest moment in my life, I know Zakarius feels the same way, I can see it in his teary eyes. He looks at me as if I'm the only person in his eyes right now, nakatingin siya sa akin na para bang walang ibang tao at kami lang. Hindi ko inakala noon na may taong magmamahal sa akin nang ganito, Zakarius really made my life complete, together with our child.
And now, the moment I've been anticipating for... the exchange of vows. I'm prepared with the vow I personally wrote two weeks ago, but I'm still nervous. My hands are literally shaking.
Zakarius took a deep breath and held my hand tightly, preparing himself for his vow. He stared at my eyes and smiled.
“Angelica Louise Mendoza, the angel of my life, the only light in my whole existence, and the only woman who gave me the warmth that I've been craving for a long time... I don't know how many times I thank God for your existence, until now, I think that you're too good for someone like me... you are so perfect for me, Angel. You're a miracle that comes to life to make my world a better place, you're an angel that embraces me with your warm and heavenly wings... Almost all my life, I've been so empty. I thought before that someone like me isn't capable of loving someone, I thought I'm just an empty can with no ability to love and feel someone's warmth, but then I met you.” Zakarius stopped talking.
He finally burst into tears, he let out a sob. He took the handkerchief from his coat's pocket and wiped his tears. Seeing him like that made me cry too. Zakarius isn't scared or shy to show his emotions to me, but right now, seeing him show to our family and friends how happy he right now makes me feel like I'm the luckiest woman alive.
“You are the best thing that ever happened to me, Angel... The very first time I met you, the first time I saw your radiant smile, the first time I heard your melodious laugh, even the first time I heard your curses...” He paused and chuckled softly. “...I already knew that you are the woman who will have a huge impact to my life, the woman that will be the cause of my downfall and my deliverance, and I was right, loving you makes me a better person every day. I know I'm a man with nothing to be proud of at all, but I will do my best, I promise that I'll be the man deserving of your love, I promise to cherish you forever. I promise to respect you as a woman, as a person, as my wife, and as the mother of our future children. I promise to trust you, I promise to be with you through the joyful moments and hardships that may come, I promise to laugh with you, cry with you, and grow old with you. I promise to love you with all of my heart, more than I love myself. I love you so much, Angel.”
Hindi ko na nakontrol ang sarili ko at napahagulgol ng iyak habang naglalaro sa pandinig ko ang mga binitiwan niyang salita. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang emosyon at sinseridad sa mga 'yon. He's looking at me with his teary eyes while saying his heartfelt vow.
I took the mic from him after his vow and smiled, I took a deep breath and tried to calm my nerves. I'm nervous, excited, and happy at the same time.
“Zakarius Cavalcante, my squishy squishy... you're the man who makes my life more meaningful, the man who accepted me and my flaws, the man who loves me in a way no one can't, the only man I want to spend my whole life with, and the man I love so much. You always say that I'm beyond perfect in your eyes, that I'm too good for you, but that's not true, Zak. I'm the luckiest woman alive because I have you, I'm the luckiest woman because God gave me the most lovable man every woman would ever ask for, I'm the luckiest woman because I have you who never failed to show how beautiful and perfect I am in your eyes, I have you who love me so much more than you love yourself.”
Muling naluha si Zak habang nakikinig sa vow ko, tila ba wala na siyang pakialam kahit pa tawanan siya nina Cadence pagkatapos nito, tila wala siyang pakialam sa paligid at ninanamnam ang bawat salitang sinasambit ko.
“I also thank God for your existence, Zakarius. I know we wasted a lot of years, but I know the years ahead of us will be much better, I know our time together as a married couple and our undying love for each other will be our strength to face every challenge that may come. I know our time together won't be always happy moments as we are not perfect, but I know we will always be at each other's side, knowing you, you're a clingy soft boy,” I chuckled while tears are continuously streaming on my cheeks. “I know I won't be a perfect wife to you nor a perfect mother to our child but I promise to trust you, to respect you, to cherish you, to be with you through thick and thin, and to love you whole-heartedly. I love you so much, Zakarius Cavalcante... Ti amo, ti amo tanto, m-my love.”
“I love you more, my Angel,” he murmured. He's still crying, halos mamula na ang buong mukha niya.
After our heartfelt exchange of vows, exchange of rings comes after. Pareho kaming naluha habang sinusuotan ng singsing ang isa't isa. Hindi ko na rin mabilang kung ilang beses akong binulungan ng ‘I love you’ ni Zak.
“And now, by the power vested in me, and as witnessed by friends and family, I hereby pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss your bride.”
Pagkasabi no'n ng pari, hindi na nag-aksaya pa ng oras si Zakarius at siniil ako nang magaan at banayad na halik sa labi. Tila ba sa halik niya na 'yon ibinuhos ang pagmamahal na nararamdaman niya para sa akin.
“Finally, you're now Mrs. Cavalcante... I love you so much, my Angel,” he murmured after the kiss. He caressed my cheeks and gently pinched it. I just smiled and let out a soft chuckle.
“I love you too, my husband.”
* * *
“Ah, finally.”
Natawa na lang ako nang agad akong yakapin ni Zak pagkapasok na pagkapasok namin sa hotel room namin. Pinupog niya ng halik ang buong mukha ko at marahang hinaplos ang tiyan ko.
Actually, kaninang kanina niya pa gustong umalis kasama ako sa wedding reception, kaso nahihiya siya kina Mom at Dad kaya hinintay na lang namin na matapos.
I looked at Zak. I held his hand and gave a peck on his lips. Halata namang natigilan siya sa ginawa ko.
“Let's make love,” I said and hugged his nape. Agad siyang napaatras sa akin nang kaunti.
I knew it. Simula nang malaman niyang buntis ako, ayaw na niyang makipag-sex sa akin. Aware naman siya na safe ang sex para sa 'kin at sa baby noong nagpa-check up ako kasama siya pero natatakot pa rin siya.
“That can wait, love. Kaya ko namang mabuhay ng walang sex ng ilang buwan, I can't risk you and our baby's safety just to satisfy my sexual needs,” he said in a serious tone and held my tummy.
“Come on, you heard it clearly last time, right? The doctor said that sex is still safe, may benefits pa nga raw 'yon, e,” pangungumbinsi ko pa sa kanya.
Umupo na lang si Zak sa kama at pinaupo ako sa kandungan niya. Napanguso na lang ako nang hawakan niya ang braso ko saka marahang hinaplos 'yon.
“Fine, but before that, sing for me first,” he said and smiled at me. My forehead furrowed.
“Why do you want me to sing?” I asked, confusion is evident in my voice.
I'm a terrible singer, kahit mga fans ko noon ay alam na alam 'yan. Sabi pa nga ng iba sa kanila, um-acting na lang ako at h'wag ng kumanta ulit.
“Wala lang, I just want to. I saw you danced before, but I never heard you sing yet... Come on, kahit chorus lang,” pamimilit niya. Napaismid na lang ako.
“Pangit ang boses ko,” pag-amin ko sa kanya.
“I won't believe it unless I hear it,” segunda niya. Ang kulit naman ng lahi nito.
“Fine, what do you want me to sing ba?” napipilitang tanong ko saka napairap.
“Anything,” he answered and buried his face on my neck and sniffed it.
Napakamot na lang ako sa batok ko at huminga nang malalim bago nagsimulang kumanta. Bahala na. Sana lang talaga h'wag siyang makipag-hiwalay sa 'kin pagkatapos nito.
“Inside my heart is you, no greater love, no one above you. Inside my heart is you, stay in love always, as I live in your ways... Coz inside my heart is you.”
Inalis niya ang pagkakasubsob sa leeg ko saka napatitig sa mukha ko. Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko at hinintay ang sasabihin niya. Bakit nakatulala lang siya sa akin?
“A-ano? Maganda ba boses ko?” kinakabahang tanong ko kahit alam ko namang pangit 'yon.
Zakarius smiled and kissed my lips gently.
“It's not important, ang mahalaga, mahal kita,” natatawang sabi niya. Napakunot na lang ang noo ko at hinampas ang dibdib niya.
“Kainis ka,” nakasimangot na sabi ko na lang at inirapan siya.
Hinila niya ako pahiga sa kama. Humiga rin siya sa tabi ko at in-unan ang braso niya sa ulo ko saka hinaplos-haplos ang tiyan ko. Hilig na hilig niya talagang haplusin ang tiyan ko.
“Kanta ka pa,” bulong niya saka dinampian ng halik ang sentido ko.
“No, let's make love,” sabi ko at yumakap sa baywang niya.
Zakarius chuckled and looked at me. He gave me a gentle peck on the lips and caressed my cheek.
“My horny wife is really asking for it, huh,” he muttered and gently pinched my cheek.
“Yes! Let's do this, let's take a shower first.” Bumangon ako at hinila rin siya patayo. Natawa na lang siya at nagpatianod sa akin papuntang banyo.