CHAPTER 52

Chapter 52

Accident

I am supposed to be resting now, but the text message of Joana bothers me. Kanina pa nakahiga lang at mulat na mulat habang nakatunganga sa kisame. I tried different positions to sleep, but I couldn’t.

The message of my half-sister lingers on my mind. Anong katotohanan ang dapat kong malaman? Ang katotohanan ba na niloko ako ni Reeve at siya ang pinili? Gusto niya pa rin bang ipamukha sa akin na nagwagi siya sa pag-agaw kay Reeve?

What is this truth? The truth about us three?

Nang hindi na talaga ako mapakali ay bumangon ako at kinuha ang cellphone. Walang pagdadalawang isip kong denial ang numero ni Joana. It’s useless if I will wait for next week. Hinding-hindi ako papatulugin ng kyuryusidad ko kapag hindi ko pa ito nalaman at baka sumabog na ako ng tuluyan.

“Hello?” sabi niya sa kabilang linya.

Hindi na ako nagpatumpik-tumpik pa at sinabi ko na agad kung ano ang pakay ko sa kaniya.

“Let’s meet today. I am free. You decide the place.” I immediately ended the call and went to my bathroom to fix myself.

Habang naghihilamos ako ay tiningnan ko ang sarili ko sa salamin. Naalala ko naman ang sinabi ni Reeve sa akin kanina sa sasakyan. He also mentions this thing. About the truth. May connection ba ito sa sasabihin ni Joana sa akin ngayon? May kinalaman din ba ito sa nangyari noon?

Ano ba ang kailangan ko malaman? What happened after I leave?

Pagkatapos kong mag-ayos ay hinintay ko ang text ni Joana kung saan kami magkikita. Pagkababa ko ay nakita ko si ate Nena sa sala naglilinis. Napatigil siya nang makita ako.

“Saan ka pupunta, Henzy? Kakahatid lang sa’yo noong boyfriend mo ha.”

Ramdam ko ang pag-akyat ng dugo sa mukha ko dahil sa sinabi ni ate. Why would she think like that? Hinatid lang ako boyfriend na agad. Iniwas ko ang tingin ko sa kaniya at sinagot siya, “May kikitain po ako ate. Babalik din naman ako kaagad.”

“At hindi ko po boyfriend ang naghatid sa akin dito,” huli kong sinabi bago tuluyang namaalam sa kanya.

“Starbucks,” a simple message was coming from her.

Pagkatanggap ko ng text niya ay agad akong nagtungo doon. Sa city kami magkikita kaya medyo malayo-layo pa ang biyahe ko. Habang tinatanaw ang dinadaanan ay ang isip ko naman ay lumilipad sa possibleng sabihin niya sa akin.

Hindi naging maganda ang relasyon naming dalawa simula pagkabata pa lang at bago ako umalis ay hindi rin naging maganda ang samahan namin dahil sa mga nangyari. Kaya nakakagulat at impossible ang pagkikita namin ngayon. He likes Reeve. He likes him kaya ano pa ang rason niya para kitain ako?

Ipapamukha niya pa rin ba sa akin na hanggang ngayon ay sila pa rin? But no, Reeve told me that Joana isn’t his girlfriend and he used her…

Used her… Right! He told me about this when he’s drunk. May kinalaman din ba ito sa ngayon? At anong ginamit niya si Joana? Ano ba talaga ang meron?

Damn this… bakit parang may mali sa lahat?

Nang makarating na ako ay agad kong ipinark ang sasakyan at pumasok na sa loob. Inikot ko ang paningin ko sa mga tao sa loob hinahanap si Joana ngunit ni anino niya ay hindi ko makita.

I guess I have to wait a little more. I ordered my usual drink, the ice coffee mocha, and found a usual spot where we could have our privacy when we talk. Dahil walang masyadong tao ngayon ay agad din na serve ang inorder ko.

Hindi rin nagtagal ang paghihintay ko sa kaniya ay dumating na rin ang taong hinihintay ko. Pinanuod ko siyang prenteng umupo sa harapan ko at seryosong tiningnan. She’s wearing a plaid green slim-fit sleeveless that fits perfectly on her curve body. Ang kaniyang medyo kulot na buhok ay nakalugay lamang ito.

Nang mapansin kong masyado ko na siyang pinagmamasdan ay iniwas ko na ang tingin ko. I know her, kunting tingin ko lang sa kaniya ay iisipin agad nito na naiingit ako.

“How rude, hindi mo man lang pinag-order ang kapatid mo?” bungad niya agad sa akin.

“I don’t know what type of coffee do you like, so how could I order for you?” taas kilay kong sagot.

“Kung ano sa’yo iyon din ang akin. Ganoon naman simula dati, di’ba?” makabuluhan niya ring sagot.

“Tsk… let’s just get to the point. Anong ibig sabihin ng text mo sa akin?”

“Easy sister… ‘wag kang atat kakarating ko pa lang. ‘Di ba pwedeng mag order muna ako ng makakain o maiinom?” natatawa niyang ani.

Napaikot ako ng aking mga mata at huminga ng malalim. Tsk. What do I expect? Ma attitude pala ang isang ‘to. Hindi ko na lang siya sinagot at ininom ang kape ko.

Natawa siya sa reaction at agad nagtungo sa counter. This feels weird. Everything about us feels weird. I never had a proper conversation with her, starting when our first interaction. Lahat ng iyon ay puro bangayan. When I saw her with my biological father, ay hindi rin kami nagkausap ng maayos tahimik lang siyang nakikinig sa amin noon.

Kung sa ibang panahon pa ito ay baka hanggang ngayon ay nagbabangayan pa rin kami. When I saw her with Reeve in the hospital last time, touching him I am mad, I admit. Afterall, naging sila naman talaga habang kami pa ni Reeve kaya nga siya nagloko sa akin di’ba? Even though I am mad, I still keep my mouth silent and never said a word in front of her.

I manage to control my anger and accept the truth that Joana will always be part of his life. Mas nauna niyang nakilala ang kapatid ko kesa sa akin. Mas naunang siyang naging parte ng buhay kesa sa akin.

And it was the truth that I couldn’t accept before. The fact that she witnessed everything in him. They were friends that turn into lovers and back to being friends again. Kahit na anong gawing pang-aalo ni Reeve sa akin noon ay hindi ako mapakali. And it was when I found out that I am insecure. I am insecure with her without me consciously knowing.

When I witnessed how he kissed her in front of me, he slapped me with his words that Joana is still the one for him—that she will always be part of her life.

That was part of my past. That was me before, maybe because when I was a child, my father has loved her, gives her time that he can’t give to me. Pinapaboran siya noon kaya galit ako sa kaniya ng bigla siyang pumasok sa buhay ko at hanggang sa pagtanda ko ay nanatili pa rin ang galit sa kaniya.

I couldn’t bear the fact that whenever I was, she would always be there. Like what she said earlier, kung ano sa akin ganoon din sa kaniya. Iyan ang isa sa mga hindi ko matanggap-tanggap kung bakit galit at hindi ko siya matanggap bilang isang kapatid.

But today is different. We may not have the bond of a usual sister because we have issues. Here I am, facing her to accept the truth. The truth that’s she’s my sister, that she may be the lover of my ex-boyfriend, and that she will always be the first choice. And this time, I will let go of all the grudges I have with her.

Truly means that for me look forward is to forget the painful past I had.

This was said to me before… I even advised it to myself and to him as we both have a painful past. Pero ako itong hindi naging totoo sa mga salita ko na hindi ko pa rin namamalayan na may bahid pa ring galit sa nakaraan.

“Care to share your thoughts?” she said and sat in front of me bringing her order.

“Are you that curious to know what I have been thinking?” I drank my coffee and raised a brow at her.

“I might be curious, but I think I know what’s going in your mind. Baka pinatay mo na ako sa isipan mo dahil nakipagkita ang babaeng pinagpalit sa’yo?” she said sharply.

“Kung ganoon edi sana matagal na lang kita pinatay di’ba? Bakit ko pa idadaan sa isipan ko kung pwede naman kitang patayin harap-harapan?”

“Chill… you’re still the hot-headed Henzy I know.”

“Let’s get to the main point of why I am meeting up with you. Just go tell me the truth,” lihis ko sa usapan.

Sumimsim muna siya sa kaniyang kape bago siya nagsalita. Biglang naging seryoso ang mga tingin sa akin kaya bigla akong kinakabahan. Sa itsura ng kaniyang mukha ay pinapahiwatig sa akin na kailangan kong tanggapin kung ano man ang lalabas sa bibig niya.

And yes, I promise to myself that whatever the truth I will hear now, I will gladly accept it. Kahit masakit ay tatanggapin ko.

“You know, I am not the right person to tell this to you, but I want to clear my name in front of you, and I also want to help both of you,” she started as she seriously looked at me in the eyes, “I am sick of seeing you two fighting and denying your real feeling just because of the unheard truth.”

Naguguluhan ako sa sinabi niya. What does she mean by that?

“What do you mean?”

“He didn’t cheat Henzy. Ky never cheated on you,” she stated. Seryoso ang kaniyang pagkakasabi. I am waiting for her to laugh at bawiin ang sinabi niya sa akin ngunit ay wala. Hindi ko nakitaan ng pagbibiro ang kaniyang mukha.

Seryoso niya itong sinabi sa akin samantalang ako ay nakatingin lang sa kaniya na nakakunot ang noo hindi maintindihan ang pinapahiwatig.

My brows furrowed, and I look at her with questioning eyes. Hindi ko na nga maintindihan ang sinabi niya kanina mas lalong hindi ko pa alam kung bakit ito ang sinasabi niya sa akin.

“Liar,” all the words that came out of my mouth.

Napapikit siya sa sinabi ko at huminga ng malalim. “I kinda expected that you won’t believe me, but I am really telling the truth, Henzy.”

“How could you say that he didn’t cheat on me? Malinaw pa sa malinaw ang lahat sa akin. He’s having an affair with you while we are still in a relationship. Naghalikan pa nga kayo sa harapan ko di’ba kaya paano mong nasabi na hindi niya ako niloko, ha?!” napataas ang tono ng boses ko.

Walang masyadong tao banda sa amin kaya hindi rin nila napansin ang bahagyang pagtaas nito. Hindi niya pinansin ang pagtaas ng boses ko at nagpatuloy pa rin sa pagsasalita.

He clearly cheated on me. Memories of him kissing her in front of me flashed on my mind. Napakuyom ako sa kamao ko ng maalala ulit ‘yon. Hindi ko alam kung bakit niya sinasabi sa akin na hindi niya ako niloko when he clearly does. Di’ba dapat hindi niya ito sinasabi sa akin.

Dapat nga at magdiwang siya kasi ang lalaking matagal na niyang gusto ay napasakanya na tapos ganito ang lalabas sa bunganga niya?

“Walang namamagitan sa amin ni Ky! As much as I love him, I am not obsessed with him to ruin your relationship, and besides, I am not going to be a mistress! For goodness!”

“You don’t have to sugarcoat words here, Joana. Just tell me na kayo na at lalayuan ko siya kung iyan ang gusto mong sabihin sa akin. Don’t protect him! He clearly cheated on me! Kung hindi niya ako niloko sana ay hindi niya iyon ginawa sa akin.”

“The heck, Henzy! I am not sugarcoating words here and what I am telling you is true! He didn’t cheat on you! Kahit na ulit-ulitin ko pa na sabihin sa’yong walang namamagitan sa amin! And I am not going to settle less just to be a fucking mistress!”

“If he didn’t cheat on me, then what does he mean that time ha? Why did he do it to me? Why did it have to go fucking that way? Tell me! Kasi iyon lang ang pwede niyang gawin sa akin,” madiin kong sabi.

“He was torn, Henzy. He has to do it.”

Inilingan ko siya. “Inutusan ka ba ni Reeve para sabihin ‘yan sa akin? Para bumalik ako sa kaniya?”

“No! wala siyang alam, Henzy. Hindi niya alam na kikitain kita at sasabihin sa’yo ‘to. He wants himself to tell you the truth pero ayaw mo siyang pakinggan kaya ako na ang nagkusa kahit ayaw niya.”

“No… You’re lying. You like Reeve—no you love Reeve. Kaya nga masaya ka noon di’ba? Masaya ka na nawasak niyo ako. Na umuwi akong luhaan at wasak na wasak.”

“I understand your feelings. You hate me, then fine. I also hate you that time. I envy you. I envy everything about you. Kasi hindi ka anak sa labas. Kasi may pamilya pa ring nagmamahal sa’yo while me? I’m at my lowest, and Kyzyr…Kyzyr was all left to me. I love him, yet he loves you. Pero ni minsan hindi sumagi sa isip ko na sirain ang relasyon niyo,” she said as she looked at me sharply.

“You don’t want to ruin our relationship? But you already did… the moment you kissed him back, you already ruin our relationship,” I harshly spoke.

“I had to do it, Henzy! We had to do it it was because of you! Hindi ko gusto ang piniling desisyon ni Ky, pero wala na akong magagawa at tulungan siya if that means to save and protect you!”

Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya at hindi makapagsalita. Protect me? Bakit anong mangyayari sa akin kapag hindi nila ako ma po-protektahan? Ikakamatay ko ba ‘yon? Ikakasira ba ng pagkatao at dignidad ko ‘yon para gawin nila sa atin to?

“Protect me?” naguguluhan kong untag sa kaniya.

“Yes, he had to do it because he had no choice.”

I shook my head. I don’t get it. Why does he need to protect me? And he had no choice? He has more options, but he chooses the wrong path. Kung may problema siya ay dapat sinabi niya sa akin para mapag-usapan namin.

“Is cheating on me that means of protecting me from whatever you are talking about?” matalim na titig ko sa kaniya, “if that what it means for him, then he didn’t protect me at all. Bagkus ay mas sinira niya pa ako lalo.”

“He didn’t cheat on you, and we had no fucking relationship. He has reasons why he did it to you,” pagmamatigas niya.

“Then what reason he has! Why can’t you tell it to me directly, Joana!”

She sighed heavily and frustratingly comb her hair using her fingers. Halata sa mukha niya na malapit a siyang maubusan ng pasensya dahil sa akin at pinipigilan lang ang sarili na sumabog.

“It’s not my story to tell. I want Ky to say to it you directly. I am just here to tell you the truth that he didn’t cheat on you. He never cheated on you and will not cheat on you. I know that even if I love him, even if I confessed my feeling for him, the only girl that forever is in his heart was you.”

“Alam ko ring galit ka sa kaniya ngayon dahil sa mga nangyari noon. And I know that what he has done is wrong. That’s why I am here to tell it to you directly so that the hatred in your heart will somehow lessen and hoping that you will listen to him the moment he explained everything to you,” she added.

“I don’t get it. Why do you always say that he didn’t cheat on me. That he has reason for doing it! If he has reason why can’t you tell it to me directly, Joana? Why do you protect him from me? If you don’t have any relationship, then why does he did it instead of confronting me?”

“Kung totoong mahal niya ako hindi niya sana sinarili ang kung ano mang bumabagabag sa kaniya! If he values our relationship that much he wouldn’t keep a secret from me.”

Paano pa pala at naging girlfriend niya ako kung sasarilihin niya ang problema niya lalo na kung involved ako dito. How will our relationship work if we keep hiding secrets from one another. Because the only thing that our relationship will last if we are open to one another.

Keeping secrets will just ruin everything.

“And what do you mean by protecting me? Bakit ako nadamay dito?”

“Because you are really involved. For your sake, he did the most horrible thing he could ever do to you.”

“If you want to know the truth, Listen to him. Don’t let your anger affect what your heart really wants. I know deep inside, you somehow believed what I said. It was just your pride and ego talking to not be smitten by my words,” she said.

“Why can’t you just tell it to me directly ngayong nandito ka na? Bakit kailangan ko pa siyang hintayin?”

Her lips slightly curved, and she drank the remaining of his coffee.

“I can only give you hints, Henzy. I want Ky to tell it you. I’m not in the position to do that.”

May kinuha siyang sa kaniyang bag isang brown envelope. Nilapag niya ito sa harapan ko. “Open it,” she uttered.

Nakakatitig lang ako sa envelope ng ilang segundo. Medyo kinabahan ako sa laman niyan. Iwan pero parang may kakaiba sa loob ng envelope na parang ayaw kong malaman.

“Kyzyr is protecting you from being judged by everyone. You know how powerful words can ruin your entire dignity. Words were thrown by the people judging you without knowing the truth are the most harmful way to destroy you. And he doesn’t want that to happen because the moment he will be still into you, in just one click, everything will be over for you.”

“He lost everything, Henzy. You don’t know how much he sacrificed for you. Walang natira sa kaniya. Kung nasaktan ka mas nasaktan si Ky dito! He was torn between you and his mother.”

Habang nakikinig sa kaniya ay nakatutok lang ang tingin ko sa nilapag niyang envelope sa harapan ko.

“Open that envelope, and you will know why he protected you.”

Nagdadalawang isip pa rin ako kung bubuksan ko ba o hindi. Joana is just waiting for my move, not until she suddenly called me in an unexpected name.

“Ate…” Napaangat ako nang tingin dahil sa biglang pagtawag niya sa akin ng ate.

She never called me that. We were born in the same year, but not in the same month, but I never heard her calling me ate ever since we met each other.

Lumunok siya bago nagpatuloy ulit sa pagsasalita samantalang ako ay gulat pa rin dahil sa tawag niya.

“It may sound cheesy and not so me, but I wanted to apologize for everything—for the pain that my mother and I bring to you and to your mother. I’m sorry for everything.”

“I am not asking for your forgiveness, but just like what did to you here, I am apologizing to you. And I hope you will believe me that I have no intentions of ruining your relationship with him.” Those were her last words before she bid her goodbye to me.

Naiwan ako sa starbucks na nakatunganga hindi makapaniwala sa mga narinig mula sa kaniya. I can’t believe she apologizes to me, she never asks for my forgiveness, but she apologized. And I think that’s the closure between us.

Huminga ako ng malalim at napagpasiyahan na sa bahay na lang buksan ang enveloped na iniwan niya. Nang akmang aalis na ako ay biglang may tumawag sa cellphone ko.

I opened it and I saw that it was a call from Renaissa. I immediately answered it.

“Hello—”

“Henzy! Kyzyr was rushed to the ER this afternoon!”

My legs went numb, and I almost drop my phone when I heard the news from my bestfriend. The beating of my heart race rapidly and my hands were shaking.

“He encounter an accident.”