CHAPTER 54

Chapter 54

Damaged

“St. Raphael University is one of the outstanding schools here in General Santos City, especially to your course, nursing,” Andrew claimed.

He’s here in my grandparent’s house to help me find a new school. Matagal na akong hindi nakauwi ng Pinas simula noong umalis kami ng limang taon pa lang ako. I am no longer familiar with the places here, but one thing I can’t forget is the place where I met that cute princess.

“Why didn’t you study there if it’s one of the outstanding schools here?” I asked.

Tamad akong umupo sa harap niya habang siya ay busy sa paghahanap ng pwede kong pasukan na paaralan dito. Isang buwan na ng simulang pinayagan ako ng aking ama na umuwi dito. Wala ng nagawa si mommy dahil desisyon na rin ni dad na pauwiin ako dito.

The only problem I left there was Khlea. She wants to be with me, yet she wasn’t allowed to travel. As much as I want her to be with me, I’m sure my parents were going to take care of her.

And one thing I need to do is to find a part-time job. I’m sure mommy will cut off my money and wants me to find a way to support myself now that I am no longer beside them. Kahit na bago pa ako umalis ay may binigay si dad sa akin at may nakahanda ding pera ang lola at lolo ko para sa akin.

Still, I am not going to use it. I can use it for future purposes, but not today. I want to prove to my mother that I can handle it. That I am going to achieve my dreams even without their support.

Ininom ni Andrew ang juice niya at bumaling sa akin. “Wala lang. Mas maganda kapag ibang paaralan ang pinasok ko. Mas chill kasi ang school namin kesa d’yan. You know me. I don’t like to be pressured,” he lazily uttered.

“Then why suggest that school to me? I can go to your school too.”

“This school is aligned to your course. I mean, mas priority nila ang medical courses, and this is the best school you can go into.”

Tinanguan ko na lang siya at pumayag na sa paaralan na lang na iyan ako papasok. Kahit saan naman ay payag ako himala nga lang at hindi niya sinagesst sa akin sa ang paaralan na pinasukan niya.

“You can enroll online if you don’t want to go to school,” he suggested.

“No. I will personally go there. I want to be familiar with the campus,” I muttered.

It’s better to roam around in the campus and find a spot where I can find peace aside from staying in the library.

“Wala ka bang gagawin ngayon?” I asked.

“Grabe ka bro. Tinatakwil mo na ba ako?” May pa hawak-hawak pa siya sa dibdib niya na animo’y nasaktan talaga.

“Arte mo. Di bagay,” walang preno kong sabi.

“Ito naman bro, hindi mabiro. Grabe ka talaga sa akin hindi ka pa rin nagbabago sa pagiging masungit mo,” iling niya at inubus ang snack na binigay ni manang sa amin kanina.

“Bakit nga pala? May ibang plano ka ba ngayon?”

“I want to find a part-time job,” I simply said and turned on the big screen.

Humiga ako sa sofa at nanood ng series sa Netflix. In my peripheral vision, I saw him closing the laptop and laid his back on the couch. Napadaan si manang sa amin at nang makita na wala ng laman ang pagkain na binigay niya ay kinuha niya ito at nilagyan ulit.

“Thank you, manang,” Andrew said.

Pinatong niya sa kaniyang hita ang isang bowl ng chichirya at nakisabay na manood sa akin kahit na hindi naman niya ito maiintindihan dahil isa itong medical series.

“Ang yaman-yaman mo na gusto mo pang maghanap ng trabaho. Ibang klase talaga. Pagod ka na ba sa pagiging mayaman bro?”

“Tsk. If that was my own money, I wouldn’t find a job to satisfy what I want,” I said coldly and focused on watching.

“Did tita cut off your money? Si tito ba? Hindi suportado sa’yo? Di’ba siya ang tumulong sa’yo para makauwi ka dito?” sunod na sunod niyang tanong.

I checked my account last week, and it was still the same. I also checked some of my cards, and it didn’t freeze so I could still use this. Lumaki nga lang ang halaga sa isang card ko where my father put the money he gave to me without my mother knowing.

Before I went home here, hope fills in my heart. It was a simple action from my father, and I can’t help but think that he was slowly supporting me.

Kahit na ganoon ang laman ng mga cards ko ay hindi pa rin ako magpapakampante. My mother can do everything she can. Kaya kapag naisipan niyang e freeze ng lahat na mga cards ko ay wala akong makukuhanan na pera.

I have some savings on my personal account from the part-time job I had before in New York. The money I saved was enough for my college tuition fee until I graduate. Kaya sa enrollment ay babayaran ko na agad ang tuition fee ko.

My allowances and other expenses for myself are what I need. Kaya kailangan ko ng part-time job para hindi na ako kukuha ng pera sa pamilya ko lalo na kay mommy. Ayaw ko magkaroon ng utang na loob sa kaniya lalo na at may lamat ang relasyon naming mag-ina.

Umiling ako at simpleng sinabi, “I can’t be certain.”

“You sure you can handle being a student, and at the same time, you’ll work?”

Ang mga mata ko ay nasa pinapanood pero ang utak at tainga ko ay nasa kaibigan na hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin tapos sa mga wala niyang katapusang tanong.

“Don’t you believe in me? Tsk.” Umupo ako ng maayos at inagaw sa kaniya ang bowl kung saan ay nakalahati na niya ang laman.

“Adik mo sa piattos, dude,” puna ko dahil nakalahati na niya ito.

“Mas masarap kasi ‘to kesa ‘yong nasa bahay. Parang magical,” pagbibiro niya.

“Adik…”

“Pero seryoso, gusto mo talaga mag-trabaho?”

“Oo nga…”

“Dude, you don’t know how toxic the education system of the Philippines here. Kung gusto mo pang gumradwet ng buhay ay alagaan mo sarili mo.”

“I can handle myself, and I can take care of it too. You’ll help me find or not?”

“I know a family who finds tutors for their child. Senior High School na babae at kailangan ng tutoring sa math at science. They want me to tutor, but science and math weren’t my cups of tea, bro.”

“Okay. I’ll get that.”

I spent my whole summer tutoring the job Andrew offered. It was just a piece of cake for me since science and math were my favorite subject, and that I am studying science.

Every time the student learns a lot from me, my salary increases, and they offered me also to become a personal tutor for their daughter. I accepted, and the fee was also enough for me.

Enrollment came. I checked Andrew’s message reminding me to be early. My documents and requirements were all complete. Ipapasa ko na lang ang ito sa registrar and pay the enrollment fee.

Far from my expectation from the actual photo Andrew showed to me, the campus is. Or sadyang nasanay lang ako sa mga malaking campus at matataas na building sa ibang bansa kaya nanibago ako sa mukha ng papasukan ko.

While I was lining up to wait for my turn, I could feel the stare of the female students here. It wasn’t new to me since western girls were much aggressive than this. Kung ang mga babae dito ay hanggang tingin lang doon naman sa paaralan kung saan ako nanggaling ay hihingi agad ng number mo.

I didn’t mind their apparent whispers and stares at me and just wait for my turn to submit the paper I was holding.

“New student ito ano? Ngayon ko lang nakita ang mukha niya,” one of the girls not far from me obviously whispered to her friend.

Natigil ang kanilang pag-uusap nang nakita nilang gumalaw na ako nang ako na ang susunod sa pila.

“So you came from New York. Why did you transfer here?” the admin asked as she scans my papers.

“Personal reason,” I simply answered.

Tumango siya at sunod-sunod na inis-scan ang papel ko. When she’s done checking my papers, she looked at her laptop and typed something, then prints it out.

“You’d be an irregular student. You will take some of the subjects you haven’t take from your past school, especially the minor ones. It’s a requirement of the school,” she said without looking at me then, later on, she gave me my class schedule.

After I enrolled myself, I roamed around the campus. Kagaya ng sinabi ko ay malayo ito sa expectation ko kaya madali lang ako nakahanap ng pwede kong matatambayan ng dinala ako ng mga paa ko sa open field at sa grandstand ng paaralan na ito malayo sa mga classroom.

There’s a round table beside it and a huge tree covering the student who wants to sit there from the sun. I find this a perfect place to chill or to study as I find it peaceful and also you can feel the fresh air.

Dahil malayo ito sa mga classroom ay nagtungo ako doon para tumambay kahit saglit. The peacefulness in this place was calming one as if it’s my first time feeling this kind of peacefulness in my life.

Nanatili ako ng ilang minuto dito nang mahagip ng aking pandinig ang halakhak ng dalawang babae sa baba. Hindi siguro nila ako napansin na nandito dahil nasa taas at nasa may bandang gilid ako pumwesto.

“Pasukan na naman! Sana all talaga mga kaibigan nating may pa travel goals ngayong bakasyon samantalang ako travel goals sa loob ng apartment ko!” she almost shouted every word she said.

She’s so loud na kahit nasa taas ako ay hagip na hagip ng tenga ako ang boses niya. Dalawa sila ng isa niya pang kaibigan ang nakaupo doon sa may round table. Unlike the other girl whose loud, her friend was quiet and just listening to her nonsense rants.

Nakatalikod sila sa akin kaya hindi ko makita ang mukha nilang dalawa.

“Sana naman sa pasukan ay may gwapo akong makikita. Umay-umay na ako sa mga mukha ng estudyante dito eh!” halos sigaw niya pa ring sabi.

I can’t help but feel annoyed at her presence her. Ang ingay niya masyado at nakakasira ng pahinga ang boses niya. I didn’t own this place, so I don’t have any right to shove them away. I had no choice but to wait for them to leave this place.

“Taon-taon ka na lang naghahanap ng gwapo ‘di mo naman jinojowa,” the other girl commented.

“Inspiration lang po sismar. Hindi ko naman sinabi na jojowain ko!” halos pasigaw na naman niyang sabi ulit.

“Hanggang tingin lang naman kasi kaya mong ibigay, Henzy Neve.”

“Para saan pa at inspirasyon lang hanap ko? Duh? Hindi ko naman jojowain!”

Badtrip dahil hindi ko dala ang earbuds kaya rinig na rinig ko kung gaano ka lakas ang boses ng babaeng ito. Damn, where did she get this kind of voice? It’s such a high pitch, and it’s annoying.

And what? He needs a handsome man to inspire her from going to school? Sa gwapong lalaki na ba ngayon mahahanap ang inspirasyon para magpatuloy sa pag-aaral? I don’t usually mind other business, but this girl right over here was really something.

This girl proves that it needs to be a handsome man for you to be inspired and engage in a relationship. She may not say it directly, but the point here is what I have said. She can be inspired in some other ways, why does it need to be a handsome man? And lastly, why do I bother about it?

Hindi ko naman ito kilala pero bakit inis na inis ako sa mga pinagsasabi niya?

Damn it, Kyzyr Reeve. You’re insane.

“Sana na lang talaga may gwapo akong makita sa pasukan,” her last statement.

“Kung gusto mo maghanap ng gwapo ‘wag sa paaralan. Schools were made for the students to learn and not to find handsome man,” I coldly said before leaving them there.

It was too late when I realized how stupid I was for interrupting their conversation. Gladly, they didn’t see my face before I left there, and I didn’t saw their face either, so it’s okay. But one thing I am sure of, I will surely remember that high pitch girl voice.

I spent the remaining weeks before my classes will start tutoring. Pagkatapos kong gawin ang pag tu-tutor ay umuwi ako at nagbabasa ng science and medical books related to my course or sometimes, advance reading sa mga libro ng pagiging doctor.

After I work, I will facetime my sister and ask how her days went to. I am at ease whenever I talked to her. I also asked her yaya to update me every day about her condition.

“So, how’s your school?” Tristan asked me.

Nandito silang dalawa sa bahay para tumambay. Bukas na ang unang araw ng pasukan at sabi ni Andrew ay pwede namang hindi na pumasok bukas dahil unang araw naman daw. I don’t have of any plans of going to my classes as well. I want first to enjoy my first day by roaming around the campus again.

Hindi ko rin naman nalibot ang buong campus noong enrollment dahil nawalan na ako ng gana dahil sa mga narinig ko ng araw na ‘yon.

“Okay lang,” tipid kong sagot.

“Wow bro. Magkano ba presyo ng laway mo at ang tipid mo masyadong magsalita?” reklamo niya.

“2000,” sagot ko naman.

Humagalapak sa tawa si Andrew sa sagot ko kay Tristan. “Bro… don’t joke him like that naghahanap ‘yan ng pera,” tawang-tawa pa rin si Andrew.

“Grabe ka na talaga Ky… simula dati hanggang ngayon ang tipid mong magsalita. Si Gwyn pa lang ata ang nakakapagpasalita sa’yo ng mahaba eh,” Tristan unbelievably said.

“May magandang babae sa nursing department niyo. Henzy Neve ang pangalan. Baka lang naman interesado ka at para maka move on ka na rin sa one sided mong pagmamahal sa best friend mo.”

Henzy Neve? Why does that name sound familiar? Saan ko nga ba ‘yon narinig? I admit, her name is beautiful and unique. I kinda liked how her name was given to her. It’s refreshing in the ears, and I never heard the name Henzy and Neve before.

It’s a good combination, but I have these feelings inside me that I should call her by her second name and not her first name. Like how unique her name is, I also want to be the unique one to call her in her second name.

Pinilig ko agad ang ulo ko dahil sa naiisip ko. Ni hindi ko pa nga kilala ang taong ‘yon ay ang pagtawag na agad sa kaniya ang iniisip ko.

“I’m not going to use another girl to get over with my feelings. I’m not like you, asshole,” I honestly said to Tristan.

“Ouch pare! Nakakasakit ka na ha.”

Iniwan ko sila sa baba at umakyat sa kwarto ko. Narinig ko pang sinigaw ulit ni Tristan ang pangalan ng babaeng binanggit niya.

“Henzy Neve pare! Search mo sa facebook!”

Tsk. As if I was going to do that. I know in time I can get over with her. I’m not an asshole to use other girls to get over my feelings. Kahit na alam kong matagal pa bago ako maka move on sa kaniya ay kailangan ko lang maghintay.

These feelings and pain will eventually fade, and I am sure of that.

It never occurred to my mind that the Henzy Neve Tristan talked about, and the high pitch girl I encountered during enrollment was the same girl.

Papasok sila ng mga kaibigan niya sa canteen ng biglang nahulog niya ang wallet niya, and it revealed her name on it because of her Id and cards.

Henzy Neve Vasquez was written on her cards and ID. Dahil sa dami ng estudyante dito ay nagawa ko pa ring hanapin ang nagmamay-ari ng wallet na ‘to.

It wasn’t hard to find her since I saw her face on her wallet, and they are one of the noisiest girls here inside that added to the noise of this four corners wall.

“Sayong-sayo na ang boyfriend mo, Hannah. Hindi namin ‘yan aagawin sa’yo uy!”

Her voice. I surely remember her voice! She was the one who wanted to find a handsome man to inspires her! And she’s the high pitch girl.

Wow, Kyzyr Reeve, small world it is, huh.

“Excuse me, Ms. Your wallet,” I interrupted their talk and handled her wallet.

It took her a moment to accept her lost wallet because she was too stunned observing my face. I also had the chance to observe her face too.

Tristan was right, this girl is beautiful—no far from beautiful. Beautiful is an understatement to describe this girl is.

From her brown almond eyes, that could capture everyone’s attention—that screams softness and gentleness. Her long wavy black hair, paperwhite skin, natural blush on her cheeks, and her thin pinkish lips were perfectly aligned on her face.

The girl’s school uniform was ideally suited for her as if she was modeling the clothes.

But one thing that captures my attention from her was how expressive her eyes are and how it screams softness and gentleness. And the more I looked at it, the more I found serenity and tranquility in it.

And it’s weird for me to feel this way. It’s strange for me to feel that I somehow found comfort in this stranger girl’s eyes.

And one thing… her eyes… I think I saw her eyes somewhere or I think I saw this girl before.

“Yes, yes, I will marry you!” Her loud pitch voice echoed all throughout my system. Her sparkling eyes were enough to determined that she finds me hot, yet my brows furrowed at the words that came out of her mouth.

She said, what? She will marry me? I chuckled deep inside. This woman is crazy. Ganoon ba niya ka gustong makahanap ng gwapo at papakasalan na niya agad.

Nakalahad pa rin ang kamay ko sa kaniya ng hanggang ngayon ay hindi niya pa rin kinukuha ang wallet niya. I glanced at her face again and caught how red her face was. Hindi pa ako nakapagsalita ay bigla niya na lang hinablot ang wallet sa kamay ko at umalis, leaving her friends behind.

She must be embarrassed about what she did that she couldn’t even say her gratitude before leaving.

Akala ko ay hindi ko na siya makakasalumuha pa ulit. But when I suddenly enter the classroom to attend a class, her voice stands out among the class. I thought she will be embarrassed again once she saw me, yet it was the opposite of what I expected.

She was all smiles at me when I am walking coldly towards the vacant chair beside her. Pagkaupo ko ay agad niya akong pinansin gamit ang matinis niyang boses.

“Hi!” I almost closed my eyes when her voice again was so high.

I took a glanced at her and stared coldly. Wala akong gana makipag-usap sa kaniya at gusto ko lang ay matapos ko ang klase na ito na hindi niya ako kinukulit.

Her high pitch voice was enough to make me annoyed. Pero kung minalas nga naman ay napakadaldal na niya pa.

“What’s your name?” she asked, pretending that she didn’t know my name.

I don’t usually open my Facebook because there wasn’t entertaining to do on it, but yesterday was an exception. And the moment I opened it, the first notification I received was her friend request at me.

I know this kind of modus. Kunwari ay hindi alam ang pangalan ko at magtatanong pagkatapos ay magsisimula ng mangulit. I don’t want her effort to turn into waste, so I turned at her.

I smirked and stated, “You should have told thank you first instead of asking my name.”

Wala sa plano ko na ganiyan ang isasagot sa kaniya ngunit gusto kong malaman kung hanggang saan aabot ang pangungulit niya sa pangalan ko.

Yet her answer was unexpected. “Thank you, Mr. Taga pulot ng wallet ko.”

My forehead creases, and stared at her darkly, “I have a name.”

I thought she wouldn’t stop until she gets information about me, but she immediately turned into student mode when our professor came in.

In the middle of class, I slowly take a peek at her. She was too focused on our lesson and took down a note of every word the professor said. Dahil sa sobrang focus niya ay hindi niya namamalayan na matagal ko siyang tinitigan.

While I am staring at her face, I can’t help but think that she really resembles someone I know. Those sets of eyes were so familiar to me. And there’s some voice whispering to me that I know her.

And truth to be told, I know her. She was my childhood playmate when my nanny was hospitalized when I was a child. When I saw our picture together when we were a child, I also realized that my childhood playmate and Henzy Neve are the same.

And when I saw the necklace I gave to her, it’s no doubt she’s the bubbly girl.

I don’t know if she remembers me, but I remember her very well. She was the one who comforts me that time when my beloved nanny died. And that when my interest in her started to grow.

Seeing her every day makes my day complete. When I am tired, I just recall her face, her voice was already my rest.

I found myself being friends with her even when I don’t want to because of her high-pitched voice. I am quiet and firm while she’s talkative and wild. We wouldn’t fit for each other, yet every time she shares something about what happened to her day, her life, I found myself smiling.

Having a study body during exams, quizzes won’t work for me as I am satisfied with myself working alone. Pero nakikita ko na lang ang sarili kong tinuturuan ang babaeng ito at sumasabay na sa kaniya sa pag-aaral.

I found myself being with her, listening to her rants, and every time I hear it all, I am always happy no matter how tough and rough my day was.

“Nagpupuyat ka ba?” she asked worriedly.

Pumasok ako sa paaralan ng puyat dahil sa tutoring work ko. Her exams were coming, and I need to teach her the subjects where she got a low score. Pagkatapos ng klase ay deretso agad ako sa trabaho at pagkatapos sa trabaho ay mga school works ko naman ang sasagutan ko kaya ay puyat ako magdamag.

Her worried voice warms my heart, but heck, I wouldn’t dare to say it to her. Hindi ko na lang siya pinansin at pinikit na ang mata ko hoping to get some sleep before our professor enters.

Ganoon ang nagiging routine sa buong linggo dahil na rin sa trabaho ko. Palagi akong pumapasok sa paaralan ng puyat hindi ko lang sinasabi sa kaniya.

Ang marinig at makita ang mukha niya ay pahinga ko na.

It’s so corny to say this, but she’s my rest.

And when I found out that she was my cousin’s ex-girlfriend, I am furious at him. Lalo na no’ng nagpakita ulit sa kaniya si Christoph. Muntik ko na siyang masuntok sa harap ni Neve noon kung hindi lang ako pinigilan ni Neve. Kinalma ko ang sarili ko at pinaalala na ‘wag mawalan ng pasensya.

Para raw mahimasmasan ang init ng ulo ko ay dinala niya ako sa mga ihaw-ihawan dito malapit sa apartment niya. She was born rich, and I’m pretty sure of that, yet here she was eating with her bare hands.

She seems so familiar with the place and the people around here. She’s friendly at hindi maarte.

When she saves aling Linda, I can’t help but to be proud of what she did, and whispered to myself, “She’s a brave woman, and I am proud of her.”

She started sharing her life stories with me on how she wanted to become a doctor and remembers her childhood playmate. That time, I badly want to introduce myself to her, yet I keep reminding myself to just wait for her to recognize me.

Pagkauwi ko nang gabing iyon ay naabutan ko si Christoph sa bahay. I had a row with him because I think she was hitting on her again when she’s about to get married.

“Chill bro, I am here to end things between us. I want to apologize to her for what I did,” he explained.

Inalis ko ang pagke-kwelyo sa kaniya at masamang tiningnan. “Siguradihin mo lang, Christoph. Don’t hurt her again or else ako ang makakalaban mo.”

“Naka moved on ka na ba kay Gwyn at ganito ang reaction mo sa ex-girlfriend ko?”

“None of your business,” I coldly mumbled and left him.

Ideally speaking, Neve wasn’t my cup of tea. I like girls like Gwyn. Gentle and quiet, unlike Neve, who’s talkative and wild. She will always drag me whenever she goes, talked to me even when there’s no important matter to talk to.

Her little texts sometimes annoy me, yet slowly I found myself replying to any of them and making it my daily routine to respond to her text. Minsan hinid ko na lang namamalayan nakangit na pala ako sa harap ng cellphone ko na kahit mga text lang iyon ay naririnig ko pa rin ang boses niya.

She’s not my type, but I found myself falling for her. My feelings started to grow at her unexpectedly in an unexpected place and unexpected time. I don’t even remember how and why I fall for her.

I just woke up in the morning, and she was the first thing I think about. Kahit sa pagkain, pag to-toothbrush ko, at kahit na naliligo ako ay siya ang palaging iniisip ko.

And I noticed every little thing about her. She loves white pasta, lasagna, and pizza. She’s a kind-hearted girl.

She’s having a dream for herself and for everyone.

But it took me a moment to confess to her. I wanted first to make sure that I am sure of my feelings. I was in love with Gwyn, which happened to be her friend.