---
They said was let the windblown you in any direction because love is like a wind. Ang pagmahahal ay mararamdaman natin pero kadalasan ay hindi natin nakikita because we are all blinded with all buts and what-ifs.
Like, you love someone but...
Someone loves you but.... and also
You love someone, what if...
Someone loves you, what if...
We all chose to take a grip on the buts and what-ifs in our mind because of one reason. Iyon ay dahil natatakot tayong masaktan at umiyak. We are scared to experience strife, struggles, and failures so we kept on looking for possible preventive thoughts. Kasi gano'n naman talaga... gano'n naman talaga dapat.
Sino ba ang hindi takot na masaktan at umiyak ng paulit-ulit because of someone? Who want to have a sleepless night? Who want to have a miserable life?
The stiff breeze of salty air from the facade of the ocean kept on sweeping. Madilim na ang paligid kaya ang iilan na ilaw galing sa mga cottage ay nakabukas. The sunset is waving, beautifully.
Love is like a wave, fight for it. Parang mga buhangin sa isang dagat... minsan nakakasakit, minsan nakakabulag pero... madalas masarap sa pakiramdam ang kagandahan.
We will never teach ourselves to stop loving someone like a waves we can’t control it. All we have to do is to go with the flow and balance it.
Pinanood ko lang si Magen na nilatag sa buhangin ang dala naming blanket. We want our date to be like this. Simple date with my favorite person. Simple date with the person that I treasure the most. Simple date with multiple feelings.
"Tulong-tulong din..." natatawang sabi niya nang malakas na humangin dahilan para magulo ang blanket.
Natatawa akong yumuko para pagpagin ang blanket na napatungan ng mga buhangin. Inayos ko rin ang strap ng sleeveless ko nang biglang nahulog sa kaliwang balikat ko. I jumped on the blanket when everything is fine.
"Did you bring enough food?" tanong ko habang pinapanood siya na naghuhubad ng slippers.
He is just wearing a beach short and navy blue t-shirt. He also remove his sunglasses na nakasabit sa kaniyang damit. Compare to me, I was wearing simple sleeveless and cotton short also slippers.
"Syempre..." he answered huskily before hugging my waist.
He slowly pulled my head on his chest and kissed my temple. I hugged him too, this moment feels different. I felt like I was completely complete with this set-up. I wonder if we can stay like this forever? Ang sarap sa pakiramdam na kayakap siya. Parang lahat ng problema ay tinangay din ng mga alon at sa ibang direksyon napadpad.
Pinakatitigan namin ang palubog na araw habang pinapakinggan ang malalakas na hampas ng mga alon at hangin. The waves keeps on waving in a beautiful way. The rhythm of the water is calming.
Hindi ko inaakala na sa mga taon na lumipas ay sulit din pala. Even with those years, I lost myself. In the years that have passed I have learned something. Na... all the struggles and failures are worth it because as of now, I survive.
There's no enough words to describe how thankful I was because through the years I didn't waste the tears. Kasi alam kong sa bawat luha na nalabas no'n ay mapapalitan ng ngiti sa labi. Narealized ko rin na hindi pala dapat tayo matakot na magmahal kahit alam natin na paulit-ulit tayong nasasaktan o masasaktan. Hindi pala dapat na iwasan na makasama ang taong mahal natin para lang makaiwas sa sakit at mga luhang ayaw na natin.
Taking a risk have a pros and cons, but of course with the name of love we're going to choose, the choice wherein we can stay beside the person that we cherish. At first I take the risk... then I realized that it's not worth taking anymore... but right now, I turned around and here am I... taking a another one. Because that's how a love cycle moves. Paulit-ulit... paikot-ikot.
By loving someone... we must endure all. As in the whole package even there's a part that we don't want to endure anymore. Kahit 'yung ibang parte no'n ay sobrang nakakapanghina... sobrang nakakadurog... sobrang nakakasira. We should endure it if we want to gain the peaceful love that we wanted.
"Tingin mo hinahanap na tayo nila Mom?" tanong ko sa kaniya bago ipagsiksikan ang ulo ko sa leeg niya.
He chuckled "Maybe they know that you're with me," he said softly.
We decided kasi na h'wag magpaalam dahil alam namin na kapag nagpaalam kami ay bigla-bigla silang susulpot kasama ang mga maiingay kong pinsan. Gusto namin na kami lang muna.
"Baka akala nila tinanan mo na ako," natatawang sabi ko.
"Honey, don't give me that kind of idea. Sige ka, baka itanan talaga kita," I groaned when he pinched my left arm and massage it.
I giggled "How much you love me?"
I heard him sniffed and chuckled "No words can explain how much I love you..."
I pouted "Paano kapag may nakita kang babae na masbetter sa akin. Like, she doesn't have my flaws and imperfections. 'Yung super ideal girl na. Iiwan mo kaya ako?" I smiled out of bitterness.
Si Magen kasi siya at alam kong super taas ng wall niya. I got insecure ko because I don't know if I deserve a guy like him.
"Honey, I will never look at them the way I'll look at you. All person are flawed. Your flaws and imperfections are my favorite so stop thinking like that. I love the whole package of you and leaving you didn't come up on my mind. You are my air breather.. kaya bakit kita iiwan?" he smiled sweetly. "Ikaw iiwan mo kaya ako kapag may nakilala kang lalaki na hindi ka paiiyakin? Kasi---"
"I already met those guy, Magen. Iniwan ba kita? Kahit ano'ng gawin ko sa'yo parin ako bumabalik..." naramdaman ko ang paghigpit ng yakap niya.
He nodded "Don't leave me. Just stay by my side. I promise that I'll take care of you,"
Nanatili kaming gano'n ang posisyon. We were silent for a few minutes and looked around. when it got dark he had already arranged the bonfire we would use to give light. What I did was take the picnic box we were carrying. Napangiti ako dahil sa mga pagkain na nasa loob na kanina ay niluto niya.
"Ihawin natin 'to..." he handed me a hotdog on the barbeque stick.
Ngumiti ako at lumapit sa pwesto niya. Inakbayan niya ako bago tinulungan ako sa pagihaw. This is look weird but well I'm enjoying it.
"Masarap 'yang hotdog ko..." napawi ang ngiti ko sa sinabi niya.
"W-what---"
Nanlaki bigla ang mata niya. "Hotdog... I mean, ako bumili n'yan kaya hotdog ko 'yan! Oo gano'n..." agad siyang umiwas ng tingin. "Hoy! Psst!" tawag niya sa batang dumaan. "Taga saan ka?" pag-iiba niya sa topic.
"Sa bahay po..." simpleng sagot ng batang babae bago tumakbo palayo.
Pinigilan ko ang tawa ko pero hindi ko kaya dahil may mahinang tawa ang lumabas sa aking bibig. He look cute while making excuses!
"It's fine, Magen. Mukhang masarap naman 'tong hotdog mo..." pang-aasar kopa na nagpamula sa kaniyang mukha.
Natatawa akong umiling-iling nang marinig ang mahihina niyang pagmumura habang umiiwas ng tingin. Damn this boy! I really love him!
"Magen, umayos ka!" natatawang sabi ko kasi hindi niya iniikot ang hotdog dahilan para masunog ang part. "Gusto ko niyang hotdog mo baka masunog!"natatawang sigaw ko habang niyuyugyog ang balikat niya.
"Honey naman!" maktol niya bago ako hawakan sa baywang.
I laughed "What?!"
"H'wag mo ako angasan, Honey. Magaling ako lumangoy. Ano? Tara racing tayo..." mayabang niyang aya.
Umirap ako habang pinipigilan ang pagtawa. "Sorry, I know how to swim! Baka umiyak ka 'pag natalo kita..."
"Honey... kahit gaano kapa kabilis at kagaling lumangoy 'pag naramdaman mo ang pagmamahal ko baka humingi kapa sa akin ng tulong dahil sa sobrang pagkalunod mo," natatawang sabi niya na nagpatahimik sa akin.
Damn! I forgot that he was good at this!
"Ang yabang yabang mo!"
"Ang bango bango mo!" balik niya bago ako mabilis na halikan sa leeg.
Napahagikgik ako dahil sa kiliti. Nakakainis naman! We both laughed as we continued. He kept on kissing my temple, cheeks, and head. Inis ko pa siya na sinasaway dahil mayro'ng mga nakakita na para bang sawa na sila sa mga nakikita nila.
"Kapag nagkaanak tayo ano'ng gusto mong name?" I asked out of the sudden.
Nakahiga kami ngayon dito sa blanket. Ginawa kong unan ang kaliwang braso niya. I even hugged his waist at nakapatong sa dibdib niya ang ulo ko. His left hand is on the top of my tummy. Napapikit ako nang maramdaman ang paghalik niya sa buhok ko.
"Tequila? Red? Para redhorse o Miguel? Para san miguel," natatawang sabi niya.
Agad kong hinampas ang dibdib niya dahilan ng pagtawa niya. He want to name our baby like that? Halatang adik sa alak!
Hindi ko alam kung saan ako nakakuha ng lakas nang loob para itanong 'yon sa kaniya. I really have the plan to take the rest of my life with him and I know that he dwanted too because his eyes screams a lot.
Siya lang ang gusto kong makasama sa panghabang buhay at gusto ko rin na ako lang ang makasama niya. I don't want to be scared anymore. I don't want to waste my time. I don't want to act like I can stand alone without him specially that I knew that I really can't. He serve as my happy pill and with him my feelings was in a good state.
"Do you want a house near the ocean?" I lifted my head to see his facial expression.
He wasn't looking at me, seryoso lang ang tingin niya sa mga kalangitan. I can't find a word to answer his question. I'm just... I'm just fluttered because of his question. It hits different.
"You like the ocean... the calming and peaceful waves." he added "Wave lang sa dagat ha? H'wag na 'yung kupal mong ex-boyfriend." I saw him rolled his eyes.
I smiled "Gusto ko 'yung malapit lang sa family natin. I don't want to go far away to them..."
Kasi pamilya namin sila. They will stay our family up until the end. Napangiti ako nang maalala ang ginawa nila sa akin. Our family is full of love and I was thankful about it. No'ng panahon na hindi kona makaya ang lahat ay sila ang naging kamay at paa ko para bumangon. Hindi ko mapu-push ang sarili ko na maging matatag kung wala sila.
Tama sila... kahit ano'ng gawin natin ay may pamilya tayong babalikan. Siguro 'yung mga ulila na at not in good terms with their family suffered too much. Imagine, fighting for the struggles without the guidance of their family is so hard to think. I hope that they're doing fine. Sana hindi sila mawalan ng pag-asa. Kung feeling nila ay walang tao na nakakaintindi sa kanila ay sana malaman nila na mayro'n and maybe that person is still in mission or process on meeting them. Sana... sana lahat ng tao ay makamtam ang pamilya na magiging gabay ng bawat isa.
Family is the foundation of love and we all are loved. In different ways, reason why sometimes we didn't notice it.
"Alright... what type of house do you want? May second floor? third floor? or gusto mo magpatayo tayo ng tore?" he even joked!
"Basta gusto ko kahit simple lang," I pouted and sniffed his shirt.
"Kapag nakabalik tayo bukas sa condo niyo. Mag-impake kana at do'n ka sa condo ko matutulog hanggang pinapaayoso kopa ang bahay na ipapatayo natin," he explained na para bang planado na niya.
"Gusto ko tatlong anak---"
"Gusto na kitang anakan ngayon.." nanlaki ang mata ko.
He was straight forward! Doesn't he know a filter? or a brake?
"Y-your mouth, Magen!" namumulang saway ko.
Dahan-dahan siyang umupo kaya napaupo rin ako. He stared at me seriously while holding my both hands. This is very awkward!
"My mouth? Why? Do you want it? Do you want to taste it again?" halos hindi ako makahinga.
His voice is damn husky and deep. Saglit lang, ito na nga! Luluhod na!
"Y-you! Stop talking like that... I mean, can you please use any filter?" my frows furrowed when he laughed.
Pinatalikod niya ako bago ako yakapin sa baywang. I lean my back in front of him. Ipinatong niya rin ang baba niya sa aking kaliwang balikat bago dampian ng halik ang leeg at balikat ko. Hinawakan ko ang mga kamay niya na nasa tapat ng tyan ko.
"I just want to see your reaction..." natatawang sabi niya.
I pouted "You kept on laughing at me," pagsita ko.
"It was because you made me happy," mabilis niyang sagot.
Napangiti ako, hindi ko alam kung ano pa ba ang dapat namin pag-usapan dahil nabablanko na ako at ang tanging gusto ko nalang ay ang makasama siya at manatiling ganito. Seating here beside him feels good. Sobrang sarap sa pakiramdaman na dahilan para unti-unting mapawi ang mga sugat sa aking puso na hirap akong hilumin.
"I love you..."
Napakagat ko sa labi ko nang marinig ko ang malambing niyang bulong sa aking kanan na tainga.
I looked at the dark sky to stop myself from crying. Sobra-sobra ang nararamdaman ko and I don't even know how to handle the happiness that envelops my whole system.
"I want to spend my life with you..." mahinang sabi ko.
"I want to spend my time, life, and memories with you..."
"I want to be part of your journey..." I said with teary eyes.
"You are part of my journey..." he softly uttered.
"I want to make you happy everyday.." I mumbled.
"You are the one who made my day..." he whispered using his soft tone of voice.
"I want to be the reason behind your smiles..."
"You are the reason why I smile.."
"I want you to be my tear catcher..."
"I'm willing to catch every drop of your tears,"
"I want you to be my home..."
"You are my home..."
Nagulat ako nang punasan niya ang pisnge ko. I didn't notice that I was crying while saying those words. Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang biglang nagboom ang puso ko.
Staring at him while he's wiping my tears feelt different. His smile is very comforting na para bang sinasabi niya na umiyak lang ako hanggang gusto ko because he was here to wipe every teardrops on my cheeks.
Ilang minuto pa ang lumipas bago matigil ang paghikbi ko. He held my both hands, tighter. He also stare directly at my eyes. I felt like our heart is talking with each other.
"I don't want to let you go anymore. I want you now to hold my hand. Ako na ang bahala na kumapit para hindi ka makawala. Let me be your man. Let me love you the way that you deserve. I'll promise that I will try my best to not hurt you and make you cry. If I will hurt you unintentionally then ipasa mo sa akin lahat ng sakit... let me in tears,"
His lips immediately landed on mine. He rubbed it softly and full of care.Sa bawat pagdampi ng labi niya sa akin ay nabubura lahat ng pangamba ko. I closed my eyes when he held my jaw ang massage it. Hindi kona marinig ang mga alon dahil parang nabingi na ako sa sobrang bilis nang tibok ng aking puso. Naramdaman ko ang pagngiti niya kaya I opened my eyes. Our eyes met before I saw how his tears fell down on his cheeks.
Loving someone have a rule or condition. Love must be give and take. Kapag naramdaman mo ang mahalin dapat ay matuto kang magmahal. Kapag nagmahal ka dapat matuto kang maghintay sa tama at hindi pekeng pagmamahal sa’yo. Lahat tayo ay minahal. Lahat tayo ay mamahalin. Lahat tayo ay mahal. They said that love is unfair but it's not. Kasi hindi naman talaga siya unfair sadyang hindi lang talaga tama ang oras kaya nasabi nating madaya siya.
Love is fair.
Kasi kung hindi siya patas ay walang tao na pipiliin magmahal at mahalin.
I’m Poena Heart Nazario who experienced a biggest downfall. The one who was afraid to cry again. The one who turned into a broken pieces.
I am his broken pieces and now I promise under the bright moon and stars that I am his missing pieces that his heart and soul will always ask for.