The moment Haisely told me that Octav was Azi's Best Man on their wedding day, I prepared myself on meeting him again. But not to the point that I'll see him this early. I thought I will be able to see him again on June but I was wrong.
Destiny let us meet again after so many years again.
Sa lugar kung saan kami unang nagkita.
Sa event kung saan kami unang nagkita.
Sa oras kung saan una rin kami unang nagkita.
It felt like this is de javu, yet the difference was we are roaming in the part and was about to watch the fireworks as Magayon Festival officially started. Yet I am now staring at the man I loved the most and still loving him.
"O-Octav?" I stuttered as I recognized who was the man caught my running daughter from me.
The man who caught my daughter was the father of my daughter, Octavius Reggie Marquez.
"Hey?" tawag niya sa akin saka ibinigay sa akin si Sabrina na papalit-palit ang tingin sa aming dalawa ni Octav. "I-Ikaw pala 'yan," saad niya at umiwas ng tingin sa akin.
Walang nagsalita sa aming dalawa at tila umurong bigla ang dila ko sa pagsasalita. It felt like surreal meeting him again after so many years.
Meeting him again after broking up with him right after I knew I was pregnant.
"Hey, Babe!"
Napatingin ako sa babaeng humawak sa bisig ni Octav. She was beautiful and sexy compared to me. Her style as she wear her dress was making her fabulous.
Napaiwas ako ng tingin sa kanilang dalawa at nakaramdam kaagad ng kirot sa aking puso nang makita ang kamay ng babae sa bisig ni Octav. Napatango ako ng ilang beses nang maalala ang mga pangako niya sa akin noon. He told me that he wouldn't love another girl if it was not me, yet he was with another girl right now.
Hindi ko sa kaniya noon nasabi na may anak na siya at nabuntis niya ako dahil takot ako na baka hindi siya tumuloy sa pagbabarko. Pero mukhang maling desisyon ang ginawa ko.
"What the..." I heard Kennedy said behind me and Rina.
Tiningnan ko muli ang dalawa na nasa harapan ko ngunit hindi ko iyon masikmura. Mukha naman siyang masaya sa kasintahan niya ngayon.
Well, I-I'm h-happy for them.
Hindi ko alam kung saan ako babaling kaya naman ay bumaling na lang ako kila Kennedy at hindi ko napigilan ang maluha. But I have to wipe my tears before Sabrina could see it. I don't want her to see me crying. Most especially that the reason was the two person in front of me.
"M-Mommy, are you mad?" tanong ni Sabrina sa akin na kaagad kong niluwagan ang pagkakapit sa kaniyang kamay.
I sat in front of her so our eyes could leveled. I smiled to assure her that I'm not mad, "I'm not mad, okay?"
"Okay po," sambit niya sa akin at ngumiti sa akin.
"Can you give Mommy a quick kiss?" I asked her.
Hinalikan niya naman ako sa pisngi kaya naman ay hindi ko mapigilan ang mayakap siya nang mahigpit. Hindi ko alam kung nasa paligid pa ba namin si Octav at ang babaeng kasama niya pero wala na akong pakealam doon.
Sabrina is my strength right now.
I stood up again and faced Haisely, Kennedy and Ralph but I couldn't look straight at their eyes.
"Saan mo gustong pumunta, Rina?" tanong ni Haisely kay Rina dahil blangko ang utak ko ngayon.
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin at mas gusto ko na lang umuwi. I don't want Rina to see Octav again when the two of us are not yet talking to each other. Hangga't hindi pa alam ni Octav na siya ang tunay na ama ni Rina.
"I want that, Tita-Ninang!" saad ni Rina at tinuro ang lobo na tinitinda ng isang matanda.
"Do you want that, anak?" tanong ko sa kaniya kaya naman ay kaagad siyang tumango sa akin.
I was about to give the money to the vendor but someone stopped me. I first looked at his bare hand which was very familiar to me. I know it was not my friend's hand because I know them. Maugat ang kamay niya at hindi gaanong maitim at maputi dahil sakto lang ang kulay ng kaniyang kutis.
I slowly turned my gaze as I don't know on how to react.
"Ako na ang magbabayad," ani ni Octav at saka ngumiti pa sa akin.
I looked at his back, finding the girl who was with him earlier but the girl was not behind him. Wala rin sa paligid ang babaeng kasama niya kanina. I felt relief on it.
"Mommy are you okay?"
Napatingin ako kay Sabrina na napagitnaan na pala naming dalawa ni Octav. Damn it, Savannah! Bakit ba hindi ako maka-react kapag nasa paligid siya?
And why is he here? Hindi ba dapat ay kasama niya ang girlfriend niya? O asawa niya?
"I'll pay for this, Sav." ulit ni Octav.
But I still couldn't move and I still don't know what will I say. Parang may sariling utak ang mga paa ko para tumabi at siya na ang magbayad ng lobong gusto ni Sabrina.
He paid the balloon Sabrina's want and gave it to her. He smiled at me but I couldn't do the same to him.
"Hindi ba may bibilhin ka pa, Sav?" tanong sa akin ni Haisely kaya napatingin ako sa kaniya nang nagtatanong.
Hindi niya na hinintay ang maari kong isagot sa kaniya at hinila na ang braso ko papalayo sa kanila Octav at Sabrina. "Ken pakibantayan na muna si Rina ha?" tugon niya kay Ken kaya naman ay kaagad na tumango ang kaibigan namin.
"Don't worry. I''ll take good care of her," Ken said and smiled at me before me and Haisely finally walked away from them.
Hindi ko alam kung saan ako dadalhin ni Haisely dahil nagpatianod na lang ako sa kaniya. When she made sure that we were away from our friends, especially from Rina, we stopped walking.
Hinawakan niya ang balikat ko at saka pinagtama ang mga mata naming dalawa.
"I'm sorry, Sav." Haisely said with her worried eyes planted on me.
Umiling ako, "Wala ka namang kasalanan." I told her but I am still absent minded.
"Hindi ko alam na uuwi pala siya ngayon dito sa Bicol," she told me and looked around.
Kahit siya ay nababalisa.
"Azi didn't told me about him, so I expected to see him right on our wedding. Hindi ko talaga alam, Sav. I'm sorry," she said and was about to cry but I shook my head.
Kahit wala pa rin ako sa sarili ko dahil sa pagkikita naming muli ay tiningnan ko na siya ngayon sa kaniyang mga mata.
"Sa ngayon, kailangan mo lang gumalaw nang normal, Sav. Sabrina didn't know everything and she needs time to process everything and you need to slowly tell her the truth." payo niya sa akin.
Tanging tango lang ang nagawa ko. But as I recalled what happened earlier, my heart suddely felt pain. Iyong babaeng kasama niya kanina at tinawag pa siyang Babe.
Isn't that girl was Octav's girlfriend or wife?
"Pero may girlfriend na siya," nag-aalala kong sambit ko kay Haisely.
I don't want my daughter to experience what I have experienced in the past. Alam kong nagkaisip na siyang wala ang tunay niyang ama pero hindi ko p'wedeng hayaan na kalakihan niya ang walang ama sa kaniyang tabi.
Most especially that I was also afraid to fall in love again.
Takot ako na baka kung hindi si Octav ang tatayong ama kay Sabrina, baka saktan ang anak ko ng ibang lalaki. I don't want any man to hurt my daughter even touched her that will cause her trauma.
"It doesn't matter if he has a girlfriend or none, Sav." ani Haisely sa akin kaya napailing ako.
Ayaw kong lumaki ang anak ko na may sama ng loob sa akin o kay Octav. I want her to feel love because there was a high possibility that she will rebel in case that happens.
Hinawakan ni Haisely ang mukha ko at tiningnan ako nang seryoso, " Don't overthink, Sav, okay?" she said with her worried eyes.
"We don't know yet the truth, Sav." dagdag niya. "At kung totoo man na girlfriend niya ang kasama niya kanina, gagawa kami ng paraan nila Ralph upang mabuo kayong pamilya."
I shook ny head with her idea.
"Pero paano naman iyong girlfriend niya? Ayaw kong may masaktang ibang babae nang dahil lang sa amin. In fact, it is okay with me if Octav has a girlfriend. Ang inaalala ko lang naman dito ay si Rina." I explained.
She smiled at me, "Let's not just talk about it, Sav. Masyado kang nag-o-overthink na naman. Mabuti pa ay bumili ka naman ng bagay na para sa 'yo." she said and dragged me.
Napailing na lang ako sa kaniya at nagpatianod muli nang hatakin niya ako papunta sa mga stall na nasa park. I saw a lot of dresses for adults and for kids, but it doesn't wiped away my thoughts about Octav and my daughter.
Kinabukasan ay pumasok na akong muli sa trabaho ko. I was a sales lady here at a particular mall. Isang ngiti ang pinataw sa akin ni ka-trabaho ko nang makita niya ako. She even dumped me with her shoulders.
"Ang good mood mo naman yata?" tanong ko sa kaniya.
"Wala happy lang ako sa 'yo," she told me that made my forehead creased.
"What's with you today?"
"Wala nga. Hay naku, Savannah." asik niya sa akin ngunit ngumiti pa rin siya. Timang na yata itong katrabaho ko? "Palabas na kasi ang resulta ng Mechanical Board Exam ninyo hindi ba?" tanong niya sa akin kaya roon ko lang napagtanto kung bakit ngiting-ngiti siya sa akin.
I almost forgot about the result. But to be honest, I really don't think about it, because seriously, it is just making me more think about the result. At mas lalo lang akong kinakabahan sa kung ano ba ang resulta.
My attentions for now is about my work and Sabrina. Doon lang naman at hindi ko na iyon masyadong iniisip.
I once failed on that board exam and I don't know what will I do in case I fail it again.
"Hindi ba iyong mga kaibigan mo ay mga Engineer na rin?" tanong niya sa akin kaya kaagad akong tumango. "Sana hindi ka ma-offend sa susunod kong itatanong ha. I just want to know about this on other's point of view," she said and pouted.
Tumango ako sa kaniya, "Ano 'yon?"
"Hindi ka ba naiinggit sa mga kaibigan mo na ngayon ay engineer na at mga wala pang anak? I mean, they already reached their goals and they can still do what they wanted in life." kuryosa nitong tanong.
Kahit naman na sinabi niyang sana ay hindi ako ma-offend. I still felt offended by her question.
And yeah it hurts in my case but I already accepted her sentiments towards me.
"Oo, naiinggit ako sa kanila." ani ko sa kaniya at ngumiti. "But not to the point that I have grudges on them because they were my shoulders to lean when everyone take their back to me."
"Maaga naman akong nabuntis pero hanggang ngayon ay nagagawa ko pa naman ang gusto ko at masaya na ako sa estado ng buhay ko. It's because if I keep on comparing myself from others, I will just hurt myself. Eh kasalanan ko naman kung bakit hindi pa ako ngayon lisensyadong inhenyero. I admit my mistake but I learned from it." I explained to her.
"Sorry sa tanong ko ha," aniya kaya tumango ako sa kaniya. "Kasi alam mo naman ako, hindi naman ako maagang nabuntis at wala rin namang anak hanggang sa ngayon pero hindi ako nakapagtapos ng kolehiyo. I was not privileged to enter college because of poverty." she said.
That made me sad for her but I still smiled.
"You're still privileged, Aleah." I told her and tap her shoulder. "Kaya mo pang bumalik sa pag-aaral sa kolehiyo basta may tyaga ka. Kita mo naman ako hindi ba? Nagta-trabaho ako noon para may sustento ang anak ko habang tinatapos ko ang course kong engineering." I uttered.
"I also failed my first take of Mechanical Engineering Lisensure Board Exam but I get up and tried again this year. I also suggest you to surround yourself with good and motivated people. Kasi katulad ko, may mga kaibigan akong nakasuporta sa akin."
Pagkatapos naming mag-usap ay naghiwalay na kami at saka pumunta sa sarili naming pwesto. I assisted our beloved customers and full forced myself to smile in front of them.
Masyadong mahirap ang tinahak ko nang mga nakaraang taon hanggang ngayon. But I still made up myself strong through the years passed by. At hindi ako nagsisisi sa mga desisyon ko sa buhay ko noon.
"Hey, Miss?"
May tumawag sa aking isang customer kaya kaagad ko iyong pinuntahan. "What do you think with this hairpin?" tanong niya.
Mukhang pamilyar ang kaniyang boses sa akin kaya naman ay kaagad ko siyang tiningnan at tama nga ako!
Why the hell is he here?
Binalewala ko na lang tuloy ang maganda niyang ngiti sa akin at saka tiningnan nang maigi ang hairpin na kaniyang napili. But that doesn't caught my attention but the reason why he is going to buy it.
Huwag niyang sabihin na may anak na sila noong babaeng dala niya kahapon?
"Hey? Am I talking to someone?" he asked me and he even looked around.
"That's great," I told him and stood straight.
"You also looks great," aniya ngunit hindi ko siya pinansin.
Nang-iinsulto ba siya sa akin?
Dahil kung oo ay epektibo naman ang pang-iinsulto niya.
Because how dare the girl who broke up with him studying mechanical engineering became a sales lady? Nagkaroon pa ng anak pakaalis niya.
"Can you hold this for me?" tanong niya sa akin kaya naman ay kinuha ko ang mga kinuha niyang hairpin.
He even took Unicorn headband. Hindi ko tuloy maiwasan maalala si Sabrina dahil sa mga pinagbibili niya. Sabagay ay pareho naman ang ama kun tutuusin kaya posible ngang pereho ang gusto ng anak niya.
Iba nga lang ang ina, hindi ba?
"Anyways, anak mo ba iyong kasama n'yo kagabi?" tanong niya sa akin.
"I'm sorry, Sir but I am not allowed to tell any of my personal life." I told him to divert the topic.
Baka kung ano pa ang tanungin niya at mabuking na kaahad ma anak niya nga si Sabrina. Ayaw kong masabi sa kaniya ang totoo nang biglaan na lang.
"Oh, I'm sorry." he said and smiled at me.
Naglakad na naman siya ngayon papunta sa mga kids apparel. As I watched him walking while picking the things for her daughter from another girl makes me want to cry and pity for Sabrina.
Hindi man lang naranasan ni Sabrina na may tawagin siyang Daddy. She was just living on the fake reality where I told her that her Dad was not able to meet her yet.
Pinakita sa akin ni Octav ang dress na napili noya kaya naman at ngumiti ako sa kaniya.
"Mas maganda itong pink," I told him.
Kaagad niya namang ibinaljk ang ibang dress na hindi naman napili sa dati nitong pinaglalagyan.
"Will this dress suits for Sabrina Reginald?"