Rebecca POV:-
‘Am I making the right choice by taking Ryan along?’
My heart felt faint as extreme dread took over my mind, mixing up my emotions and not letting me think. I began to tremble as unwanted thoughts of despair blended in.
Pushing deeper into the depths of turmoil, my grip on Ryan's hand tightened.
“It’s alright, Rebecca.”
I shut my eyes as my breath became heavy, my heart felt like pricking as the images of the day Jane died came to my mind.
“No, it’s not.” I whispered. Tears pricked in the corner of my eyes, my distressed form couldn't even comprehend anything.
But, at that moment, Ryan also held my hand tightly.
“It is.”
I slowly opened my eyes and looked at him. He didn't say anything but passed me an assuring smile.
In the past few days, I can clearly see he is trying to change, either himself or me…
“But- But-”
I don't want him to save me, I am too scared to be saved, I felt like the moment I let myself to feel loved, I'll lose him.
“Take a deep breath, it’s going to be alright.” He instructed.
Just that thought wreaked havoc in my mind. I will never let myself love him or let him do it. I'll break his devotion, I want to remain in darkness.
“Okay.” I nodded, taking a deep breath.
I choose this myself, stop trying to liberate myself from this. The abyss is my home, nothing can save me. I have lost my path, you cannot shine in my world.
“See.” He smiled, closing his eyes as well but mine stayed on his.
Stop it, you are making this harder for both of us because… I can't push you away. The closer you get, the more I'll desire you and this…
This will kill me.
I bit my lips and asked him in a faint voice, "Why are you doing this? Leave me in my misery."
"I vowed to stay with you." That was his only answer.
"They never meant anything to you." I said coldly.
"You may not show it that you care but you will be there… In my shadows, isn't what you vowed? You fulfilled yours now it's my turn." He said, earnestly.
I looked at him in disbelief, I was left speechless.
He actually listened to my vows?
I looked at him shocked and then began to say vaguely in a faint voice, "I swear to turn every tear you shed into happiness…" I said his vows.
He nodded and leaned back on the seat. I gave him a pleading look as I shook my head no. He looked at me confused as I whispered, afraid.
".. Please.. don't.. "
His confused look was turned into a stern one as he said, "There's no turning back."
"I'll die." I whispered again.
He leaned close to my face and looked at me direly as he spoke in a low yet vehement tone.
"If you talk about your death again, I'll not even leave you to be able to speak anything but my name."
My heart skipped a beat as my eyes widened when I heard it. There was no hint of amusement, his eyes glisten in anger, sadness and seriousness.
“I won’t let you die, I won’t leave you in loneliness. You hear me.” He enunciated.
I shivered as I moved back but he held my chin and moved me close to his face. His eyes bore into mine as I began to pant.
“R-Ryan..”
I wanted to move my head back but in his presence, I felt vulnerable as he can sway me on the snap of his finger. I wasn't like this, he is changing me.
"You better keep it on your mind, understand?" He whispered and finally let go of me.
Under that piercing gaze, my trembling form just gave him a nod.
“Yes.”
He pulled away and leaned against his seat and so did I.
***
We reached our hotel around midnight. We entered our room and since Ryan was too sleepy, he immediately fell on the bed and drifted to sleep.
He was laying on his stomach, arms and legs spread out as if he owned the bed and head on my lap- not to mention.
I leaned on the bed stamp and closed my eyes.
My eyes were hollow and my heart felt low. There is a ravage in my mind, I can't shake it off.
“You will stay forever.. Won’t you?” I asked, staring at his handsome features.
The sound of screams is echoing in my mind but I cannot react to it, I can only listen to it letting anguish turn me to dust. A feeling of dread and utmost fear blinded me.
The deepest depths of devastation, I am residing there all alone with no one to come for my aid because I don't want anyone to come as I am afraid of being saved.
I grit my teeth and lowered my head and opened my eyes only to see Ryan sleeping face. My eyes softened when I looked at him.
“Please… will you?” I tilted my head slightly and moved my hand to his hair and ran my hands in his hair, a sudden feeling of equanimity filled me.
Why is he making me feel like this?
I played with his hair as the sound of his deep breaths reached my ears, calming down the deafening sound of screams.
Just how the sound of breath can give lull to destruction?
“Ryan…” An involuntary smile crept upon my lips as I began to hum as a vast amount of serenity surged in me. I haven't felt this in years, it's bliss.
My mind stopped thinking about my despair and the only person on my mind was him. I feel like I have left myself to him.
A tear fell from my eyes to his cheeks followed by a stream of tears gleaming my face and his cheeks.
“Stop it… please..”
I put my hand over my mouth to conceal my son as I yanked my head back and wiped my tears and the tears present on his cheeks .
The way he is driving me insane, it's inexplicable. I closed my eyes as tears rolled down my cheeks.
‘One ravage was not enough that the second came too? ‘