“Why did you lock the door, Ryan?” I asked gently, holding my tears back with trembling lips.
“Why did you leave me alone..? I was locked in that dark room. I cried for you but you didn’t come..” I whispered, my tranquil broke when tears blurred my vision to ask what shattered me.
My heart tore into pieces fearing to hear his answer. His woe stopped, his breathing hitched as he looked at me with the utmost shocked expression.
“W-what do you m-mean?” He asked in a barely audible tone and a lost glint of terror. His eyes were wide, he was lost, he couldn’t comprehend my words.
“You locked me up in the room.” I said, with a hint of betrayal in my voice, pulling my hands away, turning my head away while my eyes are fixed upon his face
He looked stunned, my words seemed unfathomable to him. He was lost in misery. He seems like he is not even aware of that fact.
His breath, his voice, everything, stopped.
“W-What…?”
But it evoked a shiver of fright that went down my spine when I looked at him like this. He was in the depth of despair, he remained motionless like a statue.
“Ryan?” I hesitantly moved my hand to his shoulder and shook him slightly,
“Ryan...” I called him softly but he was lost in his agony. He couldn’t understand my words. All I can see in his eyes is a ravage and immense grief which made me feel dolorous.
His gaze was somehow…. Mournful as if someone died.
“R-Rebecca… I.. I..”
Sweat rolled down his forehead, loud and rapid pants were released by him, he didn’t move an inch. He was crying internally but it was so loud that it became inaudible, his pain turned him devoid.
“What have I done?” A tear rolled down his cheek followed by a river of them, everything was in a state of a silent destruction.
“Ryan, look at me..” I was worried to see him like this. But he didn’t even flinch. My heart skipped a beat to look at him like this.
I cupped his cheeks and turned to him, "Ryan, talk to me.,. don’t be like that..” I whispered desperately.
He slowly raised his gaze and met mine . My eyes widened in horror when I met his chaotic gaze. It was so painful to witness him like this.
“Please.” I whimpered. His lips were quivering, he lost his breath, his senses. That when I realized he hasn’t done this, it’s not his fault.
“Rebecca.” He managed to breath out. His eyes bore into mine, tears also sting in me and I can feel the tingling sensation of both of our pain.
“What.. have I.. done? It... It.. wasn’t me.. I..I swear.. I didn’t.. locked the ..door.. I.. it.. wasn’t me.. I didn’t.. I.. Rebecca.. What did .. I do.. I killed.. I killed.. Rebecca ..I kil-”
Before he could speak any further, I crashed my lips upon him, unable to hear his voice which hurt me too much.
I slowly pulled away and began to say, “Please don’t say anything further Ryan. please.. “
Wrapping my arms around his neck. He was still vague but soon when he regained his senses, he began to cry out.
“I am sorry. I am so sorry. It was all my fault. I couldn’t save you.. I am so sorry. I am so sorry.”
The loud cries of his sobs break my heart, I was crushed under the sound of his cries, my heart losing its beat in woe, submerging me in hopelessness.
“No, No, No. It's not.. please don’t cry.. Ryan.. Please.. Don't the sound of your cries be unbearable for me.. Please… It's not your fault… I am alive. Look.” I said, trying to stop the boomingly dolorous sound of his sobs.
“I am pathetic that I couldn't face the problem… It's not your fault… I should have told you why I did it. I am sorry…” I cried hugging him close but he kept on repeating-
“I am sorry. I couldn’t save you.”
“I am alive, please don’t blame yourself, Ryan. It didn't happen because of you..”
I tried to make him understand, he moved down from the bed to the ground and moved away from me and pulled his hair.
“That redemption is unsavory! It's a curse! It took it away.." He shouted, letting out the deafening sound of misery that is sucking my life out from me.
I pulled him close to my chest, running my hands in his hair while rubbing his back.
“Please don’t cry, Ryan.. It’s okay.. I am alive.. Please… Our salvation is not a curse. My every smile resides with you.. And you are.. Not a curse.. You are my life.. Please don't blame yourself...” I cried, pleading with him to stop.
He held me like he had committed a sin, an irredeemable mistake and couldn't meet my gaze, hiding himself in my arms.
Crying his heart, letting out the sobs which are probably the loudest cries of his life.
I held him close and kissed his head trying to soothe, to calm his cries which are hurting my soul and breaking me emotionally.
“Ryan.. don't cry.. It has passed.. it all has passed.. I won't do it ever again… I am sorry.. I didn't know.. you are that broken because of me.” I whispered, becoming breathless.
“I am so sorry, Rebecca! I am so sorry!”
His grip on my shirt tightened, he buried his face in my chest more, tears soaking my shirt, he concealed his cries slowly but tears are still coming out without any halt as he refuses to let go of me and look at me.
“Ryan.. I am alive.. I am here. I promise I will not do anything like this again. Just please don’t cry. I will try my best to be an ideal wife. The wife you always want. I won’t hide my feelings anymore.” I said desperately.
I was willing to do anything to halt his cries, they are affecting my mind intensely. I would do anything but I can’t take it.
“I will not let the past push my future away from me. I will do anything for you but please don't lose hope like that. You are my everything, you are my strength, please don’t break like that… Please.. Please...” I said in a feeble voice.
Trying to give him solace, to obliterate the ravage inside us. His breath faintly came to normal, his tears also stopped as he slowly raised his head to look at me.
“Don’t cry for me. I won’t leave you again.” I smiled at him as tears glistened my cheek.
“I don’t deserve you. You are a perfect ideal wife, You are my everything please don't say this. I want nothing but you. You are my life. Don't think like that. Rebecca, please forgive me.” He said desperately.
“It’s okay... it has passed and even if it doesn’t..” I moved close and smiled cupping his cheeks,
“We will make it.”
His lips began to quiver as he lowered his and moved to my laps resting his head on my laps. I ran my fingers in his hair, he held me just how I used to cling onto him.
I tried my best to soothe him, his regret was hurting me beyond explanations, his ache was breaking my heart.
“Sh… it’s okay. This has passed. I promise. It will never happen again.” I whispered, kissing his hands. My heart felt at peace,all my doubts fade away, my heart was right, he can never do this.
I won't let you go.. now and forever. Now even if God takes my breath away, I will still offer my life to you.