“Doctor, how is she?” I asked, Rebecca’s shrink. She cannot stay in this state anymore. She needed therapy. Her mental state needs medication.
“As long as she is out of any emotional stress. She is fine.” He explained.
“What.. initiated it in the first place?” I asked worriedly.
“Mr Knight, Rebecca saw her twin sister’s death and whenever she is in unbearable stress, she hallucinates her sister which provokes her to die too.” He explained as my throat dried.
“But don’t worry. I have given her the medicine for it. If she ever sees her again she can take it but make sure it’s not frequent.” He explained as I nodded in agreement.
“When.. does it happen and how?” I asked.
“According to Rebecca, it used to happen yearly when she hid her emotions but the stress grew intense and when she faced a constant swirl of emotions after meeting you, she was no longer able to contain it.” He paused when my heart rate dropped.
I knew it. I am a curse to you. My entrance in your life made your life hell.
“When she faced all these sensations at once, she didn’t know how to deal with them. Hence growing dependent on you and leading to multiple hallucinations in your absence.”
The more I heard it, the more I lost my ability to think. What have I done to her? I thought I was curing her but I had no idea how badly I was afflicting her.
“What.. should I do?” I asked in a broken tone.
“She is entirely dependent on you. I don’t recommend her extreme devotion towards you, she is nothing on her own anymore and you will grow weary of her mien soon. And.. it’s hard to tell.” He sighed.
“Hard?”
“She cannot bear distance from you, she needs you but it’s not good for her. I think you need some distance because you leave a very strong impact on her mind but please don’t be hasty to take action.”
And with his advice which shattered my dream, the home I wanted to build with my Rebecca broke before my very eyes as a tear rolled down my cheek and all I could fathom was…
‘I wanted to be your redemption, how can I be your devastation?’
1 Month Later:-
it’s been a month and I still cannot get this thought out of my head, I just can’t move on.
I felt like my love for Rebecca is the most toxic thing and my presence will make her suffer, filled with extreme distress and the overwhelming feelings of dismay.
Distance from her? How do you expect me to live without my need?
My sorrow took over my heart and made me feel dismayed. The feeling of intense pain.
My soul is burning in a fire which is so fierce that the only thing I can do is to save the ones around me so that they don’t burn in it like I do.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Losing my path in darkness, I just don’t know what I should do.
I stood up and left and went to the Fairmont hotel to meet Jayden.
It’s almost six and the time for his shift has ended so I decided to pay him a visit and right now we are in a bar.
There was a silence between us. I traced my fingers over the tip of my untouched glass of scotch.
“So, what do you want to talk about?” Jayden asked, looking at his drink. There was a strange tension in the air.
“I want you to take Rebecca away from me.” I said, finishing my drink in one go.
He looked at me surprised and said, “What do you mean?”
“I meant what I said.” I said, pouring myself another drink.
Jayden let out an empty laugh and said, “She will never leave you for me. She didn’t agree when you got married and now is not a single chance.”
“You love her, don’t you?” I asked. My heart clenched to ask him this.
“More than anything.” He said unwaveringly, finally drinking his drink.
I felt envious, he said it so easily and I haven’t told her yet. He is so brave unlike me.
“Then do whatever you want, I won't stop you, just take her away from me.” I said taking another shot.
“Do you know how much you mean to her? “ He asked.
“I am nothing but a source of ravage for her. It will be better if she is off with me.” I said, disheartened, taking another shot. Holding my tears back.
“And did she want it?” He asked, eyeing me.
I laughed emptily, “She tried to kill herself. Is that reason enough for you to be at her side and take her away from me and become her redemption?” I asked hurriedly so that I wouldn't cry.
“What!?” He was taken aback. Flabbergasted by my words he soon regained shaking posture and took a shot of his drink.
He shook his hand and soon laughed like me, “Even if she tried to take her life and I offered mine to her she would still be yours.” He said, trying not to cry.
“Don’t worry. I will give you opportunities but, Jayden, please take care of her. I can’t stay with her anymore.”
“Ryan.. even before your marriage, I asked her for her first kiss, as a reminder of our short-lived love and she refused saying.” He then turned to me with an intensely heartbroken expression.
“Don’t..I am getting married” He whispered. My eyes widened for a second as he began to chuckle with tears in his eyes.
“What’s in you that she is crazy about you? Why is she fond of me but thinks of you as her redemption? What do you have in you that I don’t?!” He growled, slamming his hand down, wiping his heart.
“I Love her.. maybe even more than you.. I also want to liberate her but why is she not mine?! Why is she dying over you?!” He ended up crying silently, putting his hand over his mouth.
My heart felt heavy, I felt somehow guilty. I just lowered my head and finished my drink not being able to meet his gaze, remembering every moment I spent with Rebecca.
Her taunts, her coldness, her tears, her devotion, her desperation, her love and then I realized I found my answer in my thoughts, a sad smile formed on my lips as I lowered my head.
“Because I have removed her facades. I have seen every phase of hers.. Turning that mere show of obligations into something precious but life-taking at the same time..” I whispered, telling him why.
“But now, Jayden, she is all yours… Hold her hand..” I swallowed hard and tried very hard to complete my sentence; heartbroken,
“..and take her away from me..” I whispered, lowering my head and holding my tears back.
My voice was stopped by the lump in my throat which will only release nothing but a sob. I clutched my glass in my hand tightly, my heart, my soul, my everything hurts.
It’s a pain which is pricking my heart and sucking my life out of me. My lips began to quiver, a tear rolled down my cheek.
I gulped continuously not to cry. I wiped my tears and stood up, “Anyways.. thanks for coming.. See you soon.” I said taking my coat and leaving.
My heart is in a desolate place all alone with no one to be at my aid; yelling and screaming for someone to hold it but no hand came.
And I left my love behind for the second time.