None of us spoke another word after it as the time passed quickly and I went home even if I didn't want to.
"Where were you?" I heard Ryan's strict voice from behind, he was leaning on the wall looking at me direly which made my heart race at his dominance.
"Why do you care?" I scoffed, folding my arms.
"I am tired of living in that room. I will sleep in my room, come if you want." He said nonchalantly.
My eyes widened for a second when I heard it. A shiver went down my spine, I turned to look at him.
"Don't leave me, Ryan. Please." I said in a barely audible tone.
"I won't stay in that room. Learn how to deal with your fears." He said firmly, which immersed me in dread.
“But-”
"If you have a problem then go back to where you came from." He mumbled and I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
My heart constricted. Tears brimmed in my eyes as I walked to him. I want to slap him right now for this comment.
I gave him a seething look and shook my head. My eyes are filled with heartbreak and hurt. I felt like my soul was bleeding.
I am burning a fierce fire evoked by his unbearable attitude. Before I could say or do anything he left, leaving me all alone with a deep scar on my heart.
I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply to gather my strength and face my fears.
My heart was torn into pieces upon hearing his words which are killing me from inside like a slow poison but I refused to react.
I stood outside our room. My heart skipped a beat, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and walked inside.
“Oh, you returned…” I heard Jane’s voice which stole my ability to fathom. I shut my eyes and curled my hands in a fist.
“Why are you existing? Even he is tired of you.”
Panting heavily, being suffocated, I let out loud and trembling breaths.
“Stop, stop, stop.” An immediate terror took control over my senses. Not being able to bear it anymore I began to chant,
"Mari-Jane-Acca." But this didn't dispel my fear.
“You should have died.” I lowered my head and my tranquil broke as I fell on the ground after losing my strength.
My mind was hazy, my breaths were unstable followed by deprived energy and an icy body. I was losing consciousness until a voice called, dragging me out from my misery.
"Rebecca, Open your eyes!" Ryan called me, shaking me to wake up.
A gasp escaped my lips as I slowly opened my gaze and looked at him, holding me worried but it infuriated me. A roaring sound escaped my lips, feeling disheartened.
"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! I DON'T WANT YOUR SYMPATHY!" I shouted, yanking his hand away.
My heart was beating at an abnormal pace. I lost my breath, not being able to bear it anymore. Forcing myself to stand, I went to my room and began to search for my pills.
Ryan stood horrified by what happened while I tried to search for my medicine with my trembling hands.
“Where is it, where is it?” Hissing, I couldn’t find it at the last moment.
Lost in the vast amount of fear and apprehension and his cold personality which changed into compassion upon seeing me like this.
I don't want your pity, I want your love!
I continued to cry, my breath lost itself, my heart burned, my soul crumbled apart. Tears rolled down uncontrollably hurting me, eliciting this sensation of devastation in every inch of me.
“There you go.” Ryan’s soft voice came, giving me my pill and some water, snatching it, I finished it instantly, taking rapid breaths to grasp my mind.
My body felt exhausted, I was about to fall by weakness but then Ryan wrapped his arms around me, refraining me from falling.
“Let me go, I don’t need you!” I tried to push him away but he didn't let me, hugging me tightly.
I used my strength to get away from his unwanted compassion, he just embraced me tightly, with no intent of letting me go.
"Get Away!" I cried, holding his shirt tightly.
"Leave me alone to die like before!"
I lost my senses and began to say things I never thought I would. I just lost control over myself, taking out my misery. He was killing me from inside.
"Leave me in the dark!"
"You don't even desire me anymore!"
"Let me go!"
"Leave! " I screamed, producing enough to dry my eyes out, hitting his chest but he bore the pain I inflicted by digging my nails and hitting.
My throat dried. I tried to struggle to get out of his grasp but he kept holding me and I continued to let out convulsed gasps.
“Rebecca…” He nuzzled my neck and pressed his lips upon it, kissing my neck which made me instantly calm.
His touch was an unexpected spell. When he kissed my neck, my body felt light. Losing myself in devastation, I held his shirt and lowered my head, still crying even if my throat hurts.
“Shh… It’s okay.” He murmured, one hand holding my back firmly.
Even if I cannot produce tears anymore to let out my agony still, I cried. He held me close, emerging sorrow. My heart is breaking.
Overwhelmed by this affliction I rested my forehead against his and began to say again with my voice getting lowered by each sentence I spoke.
"Please don't go. Please don’t hate me."
"Don't leave me. I can't live without you.. "
"Hold me close. I need your support. I want my Ryan, please return him to me." I whispered. He didn't utter a word, just kept holding me.
But I didn't dare to say a single word for my consolation. I held his shirt tightly and continued to cry.
He one hand held my back while his other hand was in my hairs; ruffling them to soothe me. His aura was deluged in sorrow and ultimate hurt as if he is hurting more than me.
But at the same time, there was something else emitting from him; penitence.
For what, I don't know yet.
We remained like that and soon my cries died down. I kept holding him, breathless, depending on my life as he picked me up and placed me on the bed.
"Don't leave me please. I am exhausted from everything… Let me rest… please." I whispered desperately with my eyes shut, holding him tightly. I didn't open my eyes fearing it might not be a dream.
“Don’t hate me, I didn’t mean to be a burden but I need you. To… rest…”
I sensed him moving close to me, wrapping his arms protectively around me. I held his shirt and rested my head over his chest, breathing heavily.
“I am so tired, Ryan… I can’t.. Continue anymore..” I whispered, losing my ability to move.
He rubbed circles around my shoulder and held my one hand and before I knew it, darkness took over me along with the enormous lull I received in his arms.