Ryan POV:-
I have told so many harsh things to Rebecca, she is hurt. My words are breaking her heart, my whole being is giving her scars.
I am doing things to her which I never thought I would. I am deliberately pushing her away and being this cold to her hurt me.
I don't want to do it but I have no control over my senses and I am lost in the delusion that she can only be happy if she stays away from me.
“Doctor, I complied with your word but… my distances were only hurting her.” I said sadly.
“I know, Rebecca told me. Ryan, I know taking the responsibility of an emotionally fragile person is extremely hard. I doubt you could do it.” He sighed.
“There is a possibility, right? That.. we can?” I asked vaguely.
“It is your call after all. If you can bear her responsibility.” He said.
“I see.” I hummed and cut the call.
On my way to push her away we both have been hurt deeply as a wall is slowly building between us, I can't continue this anymore.
Unlike the unfathomable silence before it was clear that I am doing this and pushing her away. But this is for her own good. I cannot forgive myself if she hurts because of me.
'and what about the pain you are giving her now?'
I don’t know which is more dangerous. My presence or my absence.
A voice came from inside but I ignored it. I left home and soon Rebecca went to the park. I texted Jayden to go there too.
She was trying her best to stay reserved but Jayden provoked the emotions which were eating her up as she finally burst into tears. My heart clenched to see them like that.
An arrow hit me right in the chest. My heart stopped beating when I saw Rebecca being this close to Jayden.
I know I am the one who wanted this but seeing her this close to someone other than me hurt me deeply. I couldn't bear looking at her like this.
“Dammit, control yourself, Ryan.” I kept looking at her from afar.
My heart was torn to pieces when I wanted her to be happy with him then why was her being close to him made me feel like I am burning from inside?
‘My one-sided journey doesn't need any destination; even being incomplete my love is complete.’
I bit my lips and waited for Rebecca to do anything but she didn't even flinch. She just kept looking at Jayden. Jayden told her his feelings which drained my feelings from me.
“Fuck.”
I swallowed hard and waited for Rebecca to show any reaction but she just mouthed something to him and knowing Rebecca, I know she will not make any move or let him do anything.
Before she could push him away, to make the matter look like a misunderstanding, I walked up to her and called her, "Rebecca."
I know she would never kiss him. That's why I went and acted as if she was cheating.
I know it will make me fall low in my own eyes and make me feel depraved but for her I am willing to bear a thousand humiliations.
She gasped and looked at me and mumbled, "Ryan.."
With my heart hurting as much as her, I walked up to her and looked at her in hatred- even if it was impossible.
“I can’t believe it. I should have known.”
I gave her a look of heartbreak and anger which was directed to me but I tried to make it look like it's towards her. I grabbed her arm and took her with me.
"Ryan, it's not what you think." She tried to explain.
"Shut up, I don't want to listen to your excuses." I said angrily. I know, it's all my fault. I dragged her with me back to the car and drove off home.
She didn't say anything. We reached home and finally she whispered with a smile, "You trust me, don't you?" ‘With my life.’
I was stiff and gulped. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply
and looked at her with a glare. "Don't persuade me with your words." I hissed and took us inside.
"I can't believe all people, you are not trusting me." She said disheartened.
I rolled my eyes from her and muttered, "And what good it came from trusting you? Only to find you in the arms of another man."
"Ryan, do you really think that I-" I grabbed her arms and growled at her,
"But the fact remains you are about to kiss your fucking lover." Her eyes widened in disbelief as tears streamed down her face.
“What?” She looked at me with a look of heartbreak, feeling dolorous by my words. It was so hard for me to speak, to say those things to her.
"You weren't in good condition so I let you do whatever you want but that doesn't mean I will let you start a love story with someone else." I said with a scowl.
Her tears glistened her cheek, crumbling apart by the anguish given to her along with betrayal eating her up by none other than me.
‘I am so sorry.’
My tears threatened to fall but I held them back as I felt wicked for doing this.
"Just how much of a low person you are, Rebecca. If you didn't get my attention you began to seek it from someone else. You-"
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!" She shouted, bursting into tears. She began to lose her mind and lowered her head.
“Stop it, Ryan… Don't talk like that… You know I can never do this to you." She whispered.
"Why are you doing this? You can never think of it.. Who are you? You are not my Ryan.." She said, disheartened in my visage.
Why aren't you letting me go? Why are you still with me?
"I don't want to see your face." I rudely spat at her.
"But, I do." She whispered, trying to come closer.
"Get the hell away from me!"
She embraced me more tightly and shouted back, "I won't!"
Why are you being that desperate for me, I am not worth your tears. Please stop. I don’t deserve you. My presence is your affliction.
I am your unsavory redemption.