"Don't touch me!" I said, holding her arms and pushing her away, unintentionally it was a little hard which caused her to stumble and it tore my heart.
How can I be so harsh?
"Why are you doing this?!" She shouted, falling on the ground.
"I never desired you in the first place, get out of my life." I said looking down at her. Her breath hitched when she heard it.
She looked at me with a hint of astonishment. Invoking a ravage inside her, throwing her into an endless pit of turmoil.
“W.. What?” She kept looking at me to find any hint of affection but the only thing which was plastered on my face was seriousness which intoxicated her in venom.
“Yes, now stop it!”
Her heart faded away slowly in heartbreak. I know if I stay here for any longer, I will also break apart so I took a step back and turned my back on her.
And I left her all alone in her misery. I walked out and called Jen, "No matter what happens, do not let Rebecca leave your sight." I ordered strictly, I don't want to repeat my same mistake.
Our skies turned to crumble dust but my shadows are still present in you. Our dreams may have shattered but still I dreamed of meeting you in the world of stars.
I sat in the car, crying my heart out for saying things like this to her. Tears streamed down my cheeks, I couldn't help but to curse myself to say these things to her.
“I am sorry, I am so sorry…”
My step has been stopped where I left her, my heart melted in a lava and it resides where her heart does as we both are hurting.
“I didn’t mean to… I swear, I don’t…”
My vision was blurred due to tears, my breath was uneven, my mind lost its senses. My cries were silent but still there was a tormenting sound which was thundering in my head.
“Please return…”
My heart was sad, sorrowful and dejected. Drowning in the Pools of penitence and hatred for myself I could feel nothing but pain.
As I was on the verge of a breakdown, my phone rang and it was Jayden.
"We need to talk, Ryan." He said in a croaky voice quickly and cut the call. I don't know why but he was also crying. He was broken like all of us.
‘Did I make the right choice?’
But we are in this position because of me. Because of me, Rebecca was having hallucinations, she was losing her sanity.
I wiped my tears and went to his apartment to meet him. I entered, he was looking down, emerging with a dismayed aura.
I sat beside him. Jayden swallowed hard and whispered,
"No matter how much I try. I. Can't. Be. Hers." he enunciated. I just lowered my head and joined my hands together.
"She just can't be mine. There's no place for me in her heart. I crave her but she doesn't. My endless love means nothing to her."
He was also broken beyond repair.
"Her heart has only one name; yours. She never considered me as someone significant, I was just a fondness of hers." He kept on saying.
Letting out the feelings which are eating him up. "I was so stupid to love her. It's like I have my own restraints around my feet and just her presence is not liberating me!"
I felt sad for him, I can understand his pain of not receiving love from the person you have your heart to, from the person who is your salvation.
It's an incomprehensible pain. In the desolation of his heart, in the gardens of his smile Rebecca resides and that goes the same for me but it seems like both us are not fated to her.
He sniffed and continued, "You know what she told me just now."
He looked at me and continued with his tears streaming down.
"Every inch of my core belongs to Ryan." He cried.
My eyes widened when I heard it. My heart stopped, I stilled as tears sting in my eyes.
He was crying and I lost my senses which left me with the inability to say or do anything. Please don't make things difficult.
"I am leaving, Ryan. I can't be hers. At least she loves you, don't push her away. She is yours, she was, she is and she will. Don't do this to her." He said.
I put my hand over his back and rubbed it, still looking away.
"The only mistake I have is that I failed to confess my love before and I was too late." He said, letting out his emotions which he held inside him that affected his mind all this time.
I know I can't say anything, I just remained silent and rubbed his back. I am in no position to ask.
"I cannot take it anymore. Seeing her getting away from me, it's unbearable. I am leaving California. I will never return."
He continued to cry and I remained silent, deprived of energy and the guide to the right path.
"Where are you going?" I asked Jayden, meeting him for the final time at the airport. "It would be better if it remained a mystery." He said, looking away.
We both laugh emptily. A silence fell upon us and he put his hand over my shoulder, "She needs you."
He told me and I nodded. I don't know my heart is not convinced by it but my whole being wants it- to hold Rebecca.
"Before I go Ryan, can I ask for a favor?" He asked.
"What is it? "I asked.
"Give this to Rebecca." He said, giving me a note.
A smile crept upon my lips as I mumbled, "I am the doorstep of your heart, open the door please."
"You read it?"He asked, shocked.
"Maybe.. Some of them." I shrugged my shoulders.
"You are quite poetic." I complimented him.
He laughed nervously and I couldn't tell him that Rebecca burned those notes, he is already broken, It will break him more.
"It's my last note for her." He said and turned his back and left with a heavy heart filled with incomplete love.
I just lowered my head and looked at the note.
'On the path of love after being perished, I still couldn't get you. Accompanied by that beautiful pain, I still couldn't forget you.
There are thorns on this journey of love but still this heart couldn't love someone other than you.'