An involuntary smile crept upon my lips when I read it. Getting some motivation on how to love from him.
If Jayden loves someone, that person would be lucky. If I didn't give this to Rebecca, I would be unfair. I can feel the pain of his words. I put it in my pocket and went home.
My heart skipped a beat as unnerving thoughts stirred my mind. I went home after two days, I hoped Rebecca would be alright.
I guess at that time, she must have thought about things… about us.
Now Jayden is gone, the only way to find liberation for Rebecca is.. divorce.
I shuddered when I thought about it. I swallowed hard and searched for Rebecca.
“Where’s Rebecca? I told you to not leave her side.” I scolded Jen.
“She is on the rooftop with Melody.” She replied.
I went to my studies, my condition is a complete mess. I haven't been home for two days. I haven't eaten or slept properly.
There's just an unbearable pain in my heart. Permanently impaired because of despair, I am disabled to think straight. My heart is wounded and there's no ointment for it.
It's just pain and misery.
I called my lawyer to prepare divorce papers, I spoke with very difficulty about it. I couldn't speak, my words stuttered and my heart was injured.
My incapacitated heart only knows my condition when I talked about our separation.
Me? Away from my Rebecca?
“I never thought it would be this painful…”
I leaned back on the table and took off my coat and tie. I roughly rolled my sleeves and opened a few buttons on my shirt.
I shook my head and sat on the table and began to use my phone wanting to lessen the uneasiness. I gritted my teeth, lost in thoughts that are breaking me apart.
‘Why do I want to hold her and at the same time let her go?’
“Ryan..” The soft voice of Rebecca came as the door opened and she looked at me with her big blue eyes with an innocent look.
“You Okay?” She asked, softly coming to me.
“You haven’t been home, I was worried.” She stopped in front of me. She reached her hand to me but I yanked it away.
She kept looking at me with her puffy eyes which clearly shows that she was crying. I put my had in the pocket of my pant and took out the note of Jayden and gave it to her,
“Your lover’s last note to you.”I muttered.
“That meant nothing to me.” She said, faintly but sternly, her eyes glimmering in eternal devotion.
She was about to tear it but I stopped her, “Don’t. It’s the last one.”
“So what?”
“Just don’t.” I said, exasperated. She looked at me for a second and nodded. She put it in her pocket and then looked at me again.
“Why are you doing this?” She asked, holding my shirt.
“What?” I asked, being oblivious.
“Stop it, Ryan. Why are you doing this?” She asked again.
“What am I doing?” I asked, with a raised eyebrow.
“Why are you pushing me away?” She asked in a whispered, voice croaked.
“You have left me in darkness, Ryan, I cannot see my path, please hold my hand. You promised? Are you going to leave me?” She said desperately.
“Not everyone can see in darkness" I said the words she spoke. She kept looking at me with a look filled with consternation and sadness.
"Then let’s walk forward, holding each other close.”
“Why are you getting so desperate?!” I hissed, pushing her away. The look of overwhelming distress flashed in her eyes.
“Don’t do this to me, Ryan!” She yelled.
“You are being pathetic! You are Not the person I married!”
“You became my strength! You gave me life, You gave me reasons to live. The woman you married was already dead inside. If you want her back then tell me” She shouted, losing her strength, taking a step back.
“I will kill myself again if you want that Rebecca back.” She whispered, the exact opposite of what I wanted to happen.
“Stop being a wimp!” I shouted, losing my voice. Her words horrifying me.
“Yes, I have become like this because you changed! Tell me why are you doing this?!” She snarled, losing composure.
“You want to know why? Because I can’t live with you anymore!” My heart dropped when I said it. I quickly closed my mouth when I said it. A sudden pain shot through me.
She gasped and took a step back, “What?...Why Ryan? Am I not desirable anymore?” She spoke in a barely audible tone.
Lost in the fathom of my words that shattered her, she was taking steps back and holding the hems of her dress, filled with sorrow and grief of hearing my words.
“WHY, RYAN!?”She yelled.
“BECAUSE WE HAVE LOST OUR CHILD!” I shouted, finally telling her the reason for my behavior, I yelled, telling her the reasons for our separation.
“YOUR SUIDICE KILLED OUR CHILD!”
“MY RETRIBUTION KILLED IT!”
“WE HAVE LOST OUR CHILD!” I yelled, bursting into tears. I got down from the table as she stumbled and fell on the ground; stunned.
Her whole being began to tremble as she looked at me to find any hint of amusement but I kept on crying.
“T-This can’t be r-r-real.. It’s a lie.” She mumbled to herself. I stood in front of her and looked at her.
She looked at me and stood up, “Ryan, it can’t be the truth.”
She was looking here and there frantically, immersed in dolour.
“It is.” I said, looking at her in pity with my eyes narrowed.
“No…” She put her hand over her mouth as tears brimmed in her eyes. She was shaking violently, losing her breath and senses.
“We lost our child because of me.” She mumbled, moving back.
The horror written on her face made me feel repentant. I know I have said a very wrong sentence and it can affect her a lot. I can feel her heartache.
I shouldn’t have said that it’s her fault. It would be fatal for us. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she took a step back and before I could do or say anything further, she ran out of the room.