Rebecca POV:-
My everything came to halt when Ryan told me that we have lost our child.
My world came to a crash, my breaths stopped, my mind went blank, my reason to live suddenly began to feel meaningless.
“What have I done?”
I was willing to bear any pain with a smile but this is something unbearable. It's all my fault, my pathetic decision killed my child.
“No, this has to be a lie…” I was on fire, my eyes couldn't see. My body couldn't feel anything but devastation. A deadly ravage roamed in every inch of my core.
I was losing my breath. Nothing in this world can be comparable to this heartbreaking pain. I was damaged beyond repair, killed from inside. I felt empty from inside.
My mind couldn't comprehend anything, lost in the depth of misery, breaking apart slowly and painfully, killing like a slow poison.
“Please.. Tell me, it’s a lie…”
I couldn't even bear my own presence. My breath turned into a breathless pant. I understand now why Ryan doesn't want to be with me.
Who would want to be with a wimp like me in the first place?
“No!”
His hatred was always right and my love can't win his love because he lost his child because of me. The reason he began to hate me.
But.. I need him and I cannot bear the pain of losing both my child and husband at the same time.
“Please, Please, Please.”
My vision wasn't clarified due to tears forming a screen over my eyes. I was gasping to get some oxygen but still I felt like getting suffocated. I just want to isolate myself from the world, so that I can cry my despair out all alone.
I ran with no clear destination. I just ran where my feet took me. A can only see darkness around me which is becoming lethal because of Ryan's hatred.
How he left me too. I ran to the garden as my feet stumbled and I fell on my knees. A convulsed gasp escaped my lips as I clutched the grass tightly.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, my heart is hurting so much that I feel like I am dying.
Why are all the pains in my fate?
‘Please tell me where I should go, I cannot see anything. Just please take me to the world where you reside.’
“No!!” A sob escaped my lips as I lowered my head and began to cry out loud. I let out the screams of anguish.
I am in a bottomless pit of endless agony, disintegrated to dust. Angry at myself, hating myself. The world no longer existed around me as I lost myself in misery.
I pulled my hair, crying out loud. My whole body ached but I kept on letting this devastation out but it didn't give me any consolation; just more ravage.
A face nuzzled to my neck as large hands are wrapped around me. I pushed Ryan away and crawled back.
"Is that why you hate me?!" I shouted crawling back.
Another loud sob escaped my lips. I put my hand over my mouth and turned my head away, tears streamed down without any stop.
“No…” Ryan held his hand out to me as I hugged my knees and put my cheek over my knees crying my heart out.
“Yes, You do. You resent me like everyone else.”
My tranquil spilling out of my grasp turned to dust. No matter how much I try I cannot get away from this irrefutable reality that it's all my fault and he has all the right to be angry.
"Rebecca, calm down." Ryan said softly, coming close to me but I refused his hand. He held me again and I tried to get away.
"You hate me! Please let me go! I cannot take it anymore." I cried in his arms.
"Shh.. Rebecca. Don't cry, I am here. It's our fault."
He tried to soothe me, ruffling my hair with one hand and cupping my cheek with his other hand, looking at my eyes, panting heavily like me.
“I am your affliction, your curse. I shouldn’t be in your life…”
I held his shirt, still crying. My grip on his shirt tightened, my tears gleamed, face lowered, sobbing.
“Lies…” With a stir mind and a chaos that is crumbling me. I forced my cries to die down as I sniffed and whispered.
"Take me to Papa. I cannot live here when you are not here for me too, please Ryan.. Take me away. I don’t want to live with you."
A tear rolled down simultaneously rolled down our cheek. The sensation of pain is causing damage beyond repair in me.
He pulled me in his embrace tightly and whispered back, "Please don't cry, I am here."
"You are not here anymore. If you were, we wouldn’t be like this. Just take me home. Please…" I whispered breathlessly. I curled like a ball, pulling away from him. I closed my eyes, losing my breath.
"Rebecca, I am with-"
I cut him off by shouting, "No, You are not!"
I somehow managed to not let out a cry. My eyes felt heavy, I felt darkness consuming me and I fell deep into those abysses of eternal pain which had no place of love for me.
Even take my breath away but my life would be named as yours. Even if they are my scars the name they have would be yours.