My eyes slowly opened when a bright light fell upon my face. I blinked a few times to adjust my vision. My heart felt hollow as I felt so weak.
I looked around and found myself in Marianne's room. My throat was dry. I shifted and saw Marianne, sleeping on the couch.
“Papa…?” I slowly sat up, my head hurt along with an aching pain in my heart. I put my hand over my head and closed my eyes, feeling heartbroken.
“Marianne?” The creaking sound of the door made me think that it's Ryan so I quickly shot my head but the one who came was Papa.
"Papa." I whispered.
"Oh, My child, Finally you are awake." Papa came and patted my head.
He sat beside me as I put my head on his lap. He ran his hands in my hair and spoke softly, "You have become so weak. You need to eat properly."
I hummed, holding him close and closing my eyes, receiving solace in my father's embrace.
"Ryan told me what happened, Rebecca. I am sorry, my love, If I didn't force you… None of this would have happened, I don't know what took over me. I am so sorry. I thought he could save you… I was so wrong."
Papa was on the verge of crying, he was trying not to cry because of me. My grip around him tightened as I nuzzled close to him.
"Please don't say this, Papa… Ryan is the most beautiful thing that has happened to me. " I whispered. He held me close and I sniffed not to cry.
"Where's Ryan?" I asked, faintly. He remained silent and it was enough for me to know he is not here.
It pricked a needle in my heart as I hugged Papa more closely and whispered, "Please don't leave."
He hugged me back and kissed my forehead, "I promise, I won't." We remained like this for a while but then Marianne also woke up.
"Rebecca.. "She whispered and rushed to me. She hugged me and began to cry. I rubbed her back and she began to say,
"You always scared me! Why are you so reckless?! Why don't you take care of yourself?!"
"You know about my child, don't you?"I asked.
Her cries stopped and she nodded and hugged more tightly, "I am so sorry for you. I don't want you to be sad anymore."She whispered. I patted her back and pulled away.
"You have grown so weak. Looking like a skeleton." Marianne joked. I smiled faintly and laid back again, I closed my eyes as a pain sting in my heart.
It's been a week and there are no signs of Ryan, not even to ask about my health. I grit my teeth and lowered my head.
With my heart hurting deeply and the inability to show it is too much. I closed my eyes and leaned back on the bed stamp of Marianne's bed. I am still at her place. P
apa and Marianne are at my side but I still felt hollow because Ryan is not here but I think it is for the good. I cannot bear his hatred.
It would be better if we give each other some time. But how will I make my heart understand that? My heart is constantly calling out for him, even knowing it's all futile.
"Rebecca." Marianne came.
"Has Papa fallen asleep?" I asked.
Since Marianne home has two rooms so we are sharing one and Papa sleeps in the guest room. Marianne doesn't have guests often so the place is fine for her.
She is not a person who wished to live in castles and desire fame. Marianne sat beside me.
There was a silence between us and after a few moments, Marianne began to say,
"I have told Ryan everything about you that day, he told me if you don't know about it, then I don't tell you because-" I cut her off.
"I am not in the condition." I said coldly, holding my knees close to my chest, Leaning my head on the bed stamp.
She nodded and I began to ask, "Is that why he pushed me away when I recovered?"
"That's not it. I am sure Ryan loves you." An empty smile crept upon my lips as I began to say,
"Love? He never loved me. I was his obsession which he wants to liberate and now he has done it, he no longer needs me… at least that's what I began to feel now… "
"And what if he is still lost in his obsession of liberating you?" She asked.
My smile grew genuine as I turned my head to her and smiled at her and asked, "Look at my smile, do you think I still need redemption?"
She opened her mouth but no words came out. She closed it soon after and shook her head no.
"What if he thinks you do?" She asked. I lowered my head and began to say,
"He is everything I need. My smile, my cries, all of my emotions originate from him. My everything becomes special when he is with me. I live for him, every inch has his name.” I told her.
“I cannot even imagine spending a moment without him, can you imagine how difficult this whole week would be for me. I felt suffocated without him, even if I try to tell you, I can't tell you how much he means to me." I said in a low voice.
Marianne was left stunned, she just kept looking at me. She hugged me and whispered,
"I never knew he meant that much to you."
"He is everything to me." I whispered back. She pulled away and cupped my cheeks,
"You have done a lot of things for me. Now, let this Elder sister of yours fulfill her duties. I promise, I won't let your redemption slip out of grasp." She promised. I smiled and hugged her.
"Thanks… but I don't think he will come back." I said sadly.
"Why?"
"He never loved me…"
"He does. Believe me." She said deeply and I desperately wanted it to be true.
"You should call him." Marianne suggested. I nibbled on my bottom lips, thinking it might not be a good idea.
I shook my head no and Marianne advised, "Look Rebecca, Afflictions don't end if no one tries to end them. One of you has to take a step closer."
"And the distance?" I asked.
"When you begin to walk, the distance will end before you know it." I listened and my heart clenched. I nodded and picked my phone and called Ryan.
He didn't pick the call at first, I was disheartened but didn't let it get to my heart and called him again and thankfully he picked the call.
"Hello, Ryan?" I said softly.
"Hmm?" His voice gave me immense tranquility. Just that brief hum is enough for me to calm the ravage inside me. I don't know what took over me as I asked,
"Do you love me?" My eyes widened when I spoke. I didn't mean to. I just came out by myself. My heart constricted when he didn't reply. I bit my cheek when he didn't reply.
‘I love you, why don't you love me too?’
A tear fell from my eyes, the call was on but none of us spoke anything.
I couldn't speak anything, my heart just wreaked havoc to hear his answer and he decided to torment me by not answering. Tears brimmed in my eyes but I didn't utter a voice.
My heart tore into pieces and I quickly cut the call. Tears threatened to fall but I put them back.
I laid back and covered myself with the duvet. Marianne put her hand over my shoulder, Inhaled deeply and replied in a hoarse whisper.
"I am sleepy, Marianne." And that was the day, I cried myself to sleep.
My love, I have only heart, please don't break it.