I should walk away, no, I should look away and not watch this, why do I always have to cry when I see some other girl close to Robin?
Was I in love with him this much? I have been dragged out here from my comfortable bed to see Robin hug some other lady.
I took a sharp breath and turned around embracing my hurt heart, perhaps it is not what I think, it could be one of those random girls, by the way, Robin told me that he loved me, he told that I was the girl he loved and Hinn also confirmed it, Ryan said the same thing, but why don’t I feel it now.
I took a few steps to leave, perhaps if Robin would glance up, he would see me leaving and push the other girl away while he takes me home or continues jogging with me, but I was wrong, this was not a movie, this was reality, and in the reality, when I turned back to look in their direction, Robin was talking to another girl away.
“Robin…” I called out with my choked voice, it only came out as a whisper and was carried away by the wind, he was holding her and he was walking away like he was never with me, it all seems like I didn’t exist, he did not glance back, he was only staring at this lady whose face I had caught a glimpse of and she was looking so beautiful.
I wanted to drag him back but it felt like my feet were stuck to the ground. Why does this feel like a dream I can’t wake up from? Why does it feel like I can’t move to stop him but can only move to walk away?
I looked at my stretched out hand and then withdrew it. Robin was out of my reach now, he had disappeared from my sight with the other lady and I felt stuck on an island.
I turned around and ran, I ran as fast as I could, I should get back home and curl up in my bed, I should sleep to my heart's content now, since I looked like a wind to Robin when the other girl appeared, then why should I think he existed.
I got home as quickly as I could and when I walked into the house I saw Mrs Jane making breakfast for us and she looked up in the direction of the door since I had shut it after me.
“Ivana.” I heard her call me and I looked up at her face, she was smiling at me. “You went out for some exercise?”
“Yes, good morning Mrs Jane.” I flashed a smile that didn’t reach my eyes, I was not offended with her, I was angry with her son who didn’t regard me when he walked away.
“Where is Robin? I heard you both leave together” She raised her brows looking behind me and I glanced back at the door as if Robin was going to walk in any second, but I was wrong, he was with some girl that just popped out from nowhere. “Ivana, is Robin not coming?”
“No he is not, he was out on a jog with me, but he left with a girl who missed him so much, she popped out of nowhere like raindrops and hugged him, he didn’t push her away, he called her name and she said she missed him, then he held her tight, he held her hand like I was not there, he walked away from me without telling me he was leaving, he must be kissing that girl somewhere that I can’t see right now, who knows, they may also have sex together, then make babies, perhaps grow old together…”
“Ivana,” I heard my name and blinked as I looked at Mrs Jane. “You are not saying anything but your lips are moving.”
“Huh!” I touched my lips, why were the words not coming out? I want to say those things to Mrs Jane. I feel so bad right now that I want to tell her about how her son had treated me but my lips also don't want to voice them out.
“He is on his way,” I told her dejected as I turned to head up to my room.
“Come, I prepared breakfast.”
“I am not hungry.” I only want to go up to my room and block the sound of the world away, I want to shut everything out and not think of Robin, so what if he likes the other girl, my heart is not so deep in love with him, perhaps I only feel sorry for him and I’m mistaking it as love.
I took one step to head upstairs but halted in my tracks. Why shouldn’t I eat? Is not like I would lose appetite because Robin embraced some other girl. I am more mature than this, I was not a minor, so what if I haven’t been in a serious relationship, all that is needed was understanding right?
”I will eat Mrs Jane.” I told her and she smiled. I could see the smile on her face when I had told her I wasn’t hungry, but just in an instant, it was back up on her face.
“Then sit while I set the table for you.” She walked back into the kitchen and I sat down on the dining table while she brought my breakfast. I glanced at the wall clock while I ate. It had been minutes since Robin left, yet he was not back.
I shoved my bread into my mouth and chewed it immediately so that I almost choked. “Drink this.” Mrs Jane passed me a glass of water and I sipped as she looked at my face with a smile. “Slow down, I can see you are hungry, why then did you say you weren’t when you were this hungry.”
I looked down at the plate before me and I had almost consumed the food in it. I glanced up at Mrs Jane and flashed her a smile. I was only eating so much out of anger, I was sure I would have indigestion later on.
The entrance door flung open and I glanced up immediately to see Robin walk into the house as he headed towards the stairs without glancing at us.
“Robin, you should come eat breakfast.” Mrs Jane told him and he managed to glance at us.
“I would be eating breakfast out.” He walked upstairs in a hurry and I saw Mrs Jane glance at me, my face was downcast and I could tell since I was sad in my heart, I already knew who he would have breakfast with.
A few minutes later Robin hurried downstairs trying to put on his black jacket, it seems he had a quick shower, his hair was still wet and right now I was worried he might catch a cold although he was all groomed up to leave.
“Why are you in so much hurry?” Mrs Jane asked him and he took up his key and turned to his mother.
“I will be home late today so don’t wait up and sleep.” He checked his pocket for his phone and left the door before Mrs Jane could say the last words.
The door that he shut made me flinch, it felt like my heart had been kicked out, and the food in my mouth all tasted sour.
“Is he in a hurry to school?” Mrs Jane muttered to herself before turning to look at me and I forced a smile. “Don’t you also have to hurry to school?” She blinked and I sipped my tea.
“Thank you for the food.” I got to my feet. “I have to go since we have an early practice.” I walked upstairs suppressing my tears.
Once inside my room, I took up my phone and dialled Kate’s number. “Hello, Kate…”
“Oh Ivana, I was about to call you, you should come over to school right now!” Kate said in a hurry and something in her voice rang trouble. I blinked as I looked at the phone.
What now?